Mommy Confessions

Hang in there - I have been a little extra emotional as of late and I think that mixed with everyday life has had my mind running a mile a minute.

Before I had kids I thought I knew exactly how things were going to go... I would have my children I would raise them and they would turn out to be perfect little citizens with no troubles, no mishaps - just Perfect.  I know, I know - idealistic, yes - however don't we all have those similar thoughts (may not share them aloud, but here it is to read and laugh about!).  

Now being a mom of my two little men and another little guy on the way I have had to take some of my hard fast responses towards kids and the raising of them and make some drastic adjustments!  In case you were wondering when you leave the hospital with your little pink bundle of joy it doesn't come with a handbook... sure there have been handbooks written but not a single one of them will answer your specific questions for your little pink bundle. 

Take for instance the newest change in my "hard fast mothering ideas": to cloth diaper or not.  I was hell bent that I would never do cloth diapers.  Here I am over a month into them and although I have put disposables on Ki a few times due to some horrific tummy troubles I have ultimately been very pleased with my choice to switch.  

Another one of those ideas was television.  I used to swear that my children would not be allowed to watch television.  I hate when parents use television as a babysitter and leave their children sitting in front of the television.  Well - not that my boys are allowed to sit down and watch endless amounts of television, but I have been known to sit down with the boys and let them watch one or two cartoons in the morning as a way of allowing me a little wake up and transition time as well as once 7pm comes around I use the television as a distraction and a break for me and my parenting skills.  

So now I have come across another possible budge spot on my hard and fast ideas!  What is it?  Homeschooling... hear me out before you begin to chuckle.  With all that we have been going through with Zeke and trying to get him speech therapy has me second guessing my ability to homeschool.  The change from our safe, secure and familiar church preschool has me thinking - just maybe.  As I entered the new preschool I walked away thinking... I should go back to teaching preschool and show them how much fun it can be as well as how great you can make your classroom look.  I know that part of it is my deep seeded competitiveness but I think more than that it is my desire to keep my baby safe and know exactly what he is seeing, hearing and doing. 

Today I got a chance to talk with the preschool director about some of my concerns about Zeke's feeling and reactions to afternoon preschool and she offered a few options to me... like I said earlier God has it all under control!  One of the options that she offered was the ability to cut back from four days a week to two days and then gradually expand to the four in the afternoon.  The other option that she offered was the ability to transfer to two days a week in the morning, I guess that is all that is available at this time.  

I left my talk with her thinking... maybe two days a week in the public preschool getting the speech therapy that he needs and then me being more conscientious to provide Zeke with developmental and educational activities on the other days might be the best thing.  He would be getting the services that sent us to the preschool in the first place as well as the social interactions that are so important for his development and then I could offer the extra "educational" portion that Michael really wants to see as a means of having our son prepared to enter kindergarten.  Plus if he moves to the two days a week it would be Wednesday and Friday meaning that Zeke would be able to make it to MOPS and Bible study with me every Thursday and have a chance to be around our church friend's kids as well as be in the comfort zone of church at least one day a week.  

I am seeing a possibility of another hard fast idea going to the wayside as I continue on this path called motherhood! 

At a Loss

Here I am again - feeling like I am at a loss.  I know that the Lord gave me Zeke because he knew that I would be the best mommy for him but I just don't know what to do.  Michael and I chose to take Zeke out of Foothills Christian Preschool and have him enroll in a public school so that he could receive speech therapy through the school district.  When we made this decision we were informed that the only spot that was open was an afternoon preschool spot at a local preschool.  I was trying to be optimistic about it while Michael threw the idea out immediately.  I told Michael that we would try it and see if it could work for us.  Michael reluctantly agreed.  Last Tuesday was his first day - I dropped him off at 12:45 and picked him up at 3:15pm.  On our five minute drive home he fell fast asleep and then woke up fussy telling me that he doesn't like his new school and he wants to go back to the other one.  Unfortunately that night Zeke and I got the flu something fierce so Wednesday and Thursday were spent recovering.  Friday we tried school again - the whole five minutes to school Zeke told me that he doesn't really like the new school and doesn't like the teachers.  When I pushed and asked why he just told me he likes the other school.  I pick him up from school and he was a one hundred percent grouch and after twenty minutes of crying for only the Lord knows why he fell asleep for an hour.  Yesterday was his next day of school - so granted it was only day three!  I am taking him to school and trying to build up school time.  I drop him off and he seems to be okay.  I pick him up after school and we get in the car and he is whinny, crying and fussy.  I ask what is wrong and he simply says that he "kind of no like my new school". 
I sat down for a little while yesterday and prayed - I tried to remove my emotions and really ask for direction.  After some time I decided that I would call the ChildFind office at 4:40pm (after they close) and leave a message and pray that between then and when they returned my call that I would have more confirmation as to what I am supposed to do as Zeke's number one advocate.  Much to my surprise the phone was picked up on the third ring.  I shared my concerns about Zeke's not liking the school or the teachers.  I shared that without the afternoon naps he is having more meltdowns which only exasperates the speech troubles that sent us to ChildFind in the first place.  I shared that if it is a matter of dropping the OT that he receives through ChildFind and focusing solely on the speech to get him a morning spot at a speech only IEP school than I would sign whatever paperwork I needed.  The lady seemed to be receptive to what I was saying and said that she would compose an email to the necessary individuals to see if there might be some wiggle room. 
After my phone call I felt better about it but there is still a part of me that worries that maybe there is not that perfect match of preschool for Zeke and I don't want to keep bouncing him around from place to place - I think that would be more detrimental.  I know that it will work out how it is supposed to and that everything is already taken care of in God's hands - I just need to be reminded of that on a daily basis as I desire to do the absolute best for my baby.

Fall

Since our move to Colorado I have fallen in love with the season of Fall!  I think in part because it actually happens here and in California the palm trees really show no season changes.  Our first year here we successfully made the Fall Color drive through the mountains and it was a sight to be seen.  Since that very first Fall Color drive I have been pinning away for each and every one to come.  Last year we had snow fall on the last day of summer which meant that all the leaves just fell off and there was really no Fall Color.  This year I had high hopes!  Saturday evening Michael told me that Sunday we would leave early and head out to catch the aspen fall colors and spend a day just enjoying the Colorado colors.  As silly as it may sound I spent Saturday night dreaming about the colors and was very excited about the prospect of seeing the fall colors while sipping a hot cup of cider.  Yes, I did romanticize it up in my head a lot!
We woke up got ourselves dressed (in jeans and had sweatshirts ready for some chilly weather) I packed the car with some snacks and we were off.  As we are pulling out of the drive way Michael informs me that we are going to take another route than we had previously.  I was feeling a bit let down but figured I was open for an adventure.  We stopped off at a quaint little dinner on our way out and had breakfast - one of the items was a loaf of fresh pumpkin bread.  Our tummies were full so off we went to spend the day in the car enjoying the Fall Colors.  Two and a half hours of driving and napping here and there and what did we see... no Fall Colors!  Grrrr!  Around noon we finally pulled off the road and let the boys play in a river for a little bit - it was 73 degrees out, not jean weather of which we were all dressed in.
Feeling very let down and somewhat upset with Michael's "bright idea" to try a new route I think he was picking up on my attitude and made a big circle and we found ourselves close to original route where I got a little sneak peak of some color although most of the leaves had already fallen.  I am hoping that one of these years we will actually get the fall colors at just the right time on the right route!  This morning as a way of making up for my lack of fall color I am enjoying a cup of hot chai tea and finishing off the pumpkin loaf of bread!  I guess I will just have to wait until fall comes to town here and we can rake all the leaves in the backyard and make jumping piles to get some good fall pictures. 

Survived!

That is about all I have to say for the last week!  After I posted my blog last week I got a little snip-it of the flu.  So I went Friday evening and Saturday laying around the house in jammies trying to not catch the full blown flu that Michael had.  Sunday my blood pressure was giving me some major troubles... I went from really low bp and passing out to really high and had a hard time functioning.  I think with the flux in my blood pressure put me at a disadvantage and Tuesday night I went to bed early feeling a little under the weather and then around ten I started not feeling well at all thinking that I was having some acid reflux issues however by midnight I heard Zeke running to the bathroom vomiting the whole way.  I tried to tend to Zeke but had to leave (not the normal for me).  Went downstairs to wake up Michael and have him go and be with Zeke (not the normal for him - at all!) and I didn't make it to the bathroom myself!  Needless to say Michael won the number one daddy and husband award that night leading into the wee hours of the next morning!  Between tending to Zeke while I was doing a balancing act in one bathroom, scrubbing the carpets from the one time of me and the three times of Zeke, and not to mention the loads of laundry that came from all the messes.  Man that really earned him some brownie points - and he only sympathy joined us once!  Wednesday was spent in quarantine.  Michael kept spraying the lower living room with Lysol from the upper level and he employed the baby gate as a quarantined area so that Ki could not get to us (Zeke and I) and we could not get up to them (Michael and Ki).  Needless to say Wednesday Zeke and I traded off watching different movies, napping and visiting the bathroom.  A good night's sleep lent to a much better Thursday - although I think between the passing flu and the lack of food in my system I had another passing out spell in the morning but spent the rest of the day watching my bp and I did just fine.  By Thursday evening I was feeling totally human again - which was a huge thing since I was not there since the last Thursday. 
Today was a whole new day!  The boys and I played around the house until 9am when we ran out to get some much needed errands done and then came back home and the three of us played football in the backyard until lunch time.  I made lunch and then all three of us enjoyed eating lunch out on the back patio on the new patio table that Michael bought for us.  After lunch Zeke got ready for his first official day of school.  I dropped him off and he seemed to be just fine - a little lost to the routines as the other kids readied themselves Zeke sat nicely on the carpet (not what everyone else was doing) but he caught on quickly!  Ki fell asleep on our way home from dropping off brother at school and now here I sit in the first afternoon of quiet!  I will admit I am a little out of sorts without my Zeke, as he has been with me every day since May when school got out for him!  That is a long time to have him around and now that he is not, the quiet is welcome but my Bubba is missed!  So I have an hour and a half then we will be off to get Zeke to find out how his first day went.

Fun Filled Busy Week

This week felt something like a whirl wind!
Sunday:
Church and post church Sweet Tomato lunch and then Football, of which my fantasy football team won!
Monday:
Ki had his post surgery check up for his ears... at which the doctor said that his hearing is even better than pre-surgery!
Driving from the appointment my windshield was hit by what I am coining an asteroid... I don't know exactly what it was but it was huge and cracked my window something fierce and honestly just a little more force would have had my windshield in my lap.
Picked up my mom from the airport
Had lunch and nap time and then the boys and mom played in the backyard while I got dinner ready.
Tuesday:
The boys and I took mom to our favorite park where we played until we could play no more... between the swings, the bikes, soccer ball and climbing my boys were tuckered out.

We grabbed some lunch then came home and the boys napped.
While the boys napped I went to ChildFind to finalize all the paperwork for Zeke's new preschool and his IEP services.
Then home again home again jiggidy jig for dinner and the nightly routines.
Wednesday:
Mom and boys and I headed to Zeke's new school where we got to see his new classroom and meet his teachers (please be praying as Zeke keeps telling me that he does not want to go to this school and that he doesn't like it.)
After a little visit to the new school the boys and I took mom to the Hop.  An inflatable land which provided lots of laughs and fun.

An hour and a half of playing... a few rug burns and hungry tummies we headed to lunch and then over to a cupcake place called "Gigi's Cupcakes".  (The boys call my mom Gigi - so I thought it was appropriate to go there get a few pictures and a special little treat)

 

 

A little nap and then a trip to Costco for groceries and dinner.
Thursday:
My first MOPS meeting - was so excited about MOPS that I had a hard time sleeping.  Mom watched the boys at home while I went to MOPS.
I left MOPS a little early to run home and pick them up and we headed over to a friend's work where we got pictures of baby number three and confirmed that #3 is in fact a BOY!
After my appointment we went out to lunch and then came home long enough for mom to pack her bags and then we were off to the airport to get her back to lonely Papa back in San Diego.
We are all really tired and now are spending today just laying around the house.  A fun filled busy week and loved every minute of having my mom here to help me out with my two little munchkins.

Fluffy Hinney

Last night was my first try of cloth diapers at night.  I packed Ki's little pants with a premium pre-fold and a doubler and let's just say he was indeed a fluffy hinney!  But with thirteen hours of sleep he made it through the night and didn't float away.  The bed and his clothes stayed dry, which is all that really matters right?  The cover got a little pee on the top portion where his belly folded it down so it will need to be washed but not too bad!
I did try to get Zeke to wear a fluffy hinney last night and he told me "No WAY".  I still tried it and it was to no avail.  So I guess we will still be buying Pull-Ups for Zeke for night time.
I will say that I am in love with the products that I purchased!  I know that not all brands work for everyone.  For some they may hate the stuff that I am using but if you are interested the company that I purchased my items from is having a web summer sale... it might be worth checking it out if you are on the fence about cloth diapers.

What I purchased for cloth diapers thus far:

Planet Wise Wet Bag (for out and about dirty/wet cd storage) $16.50

Planet Wise Wet Bag (for the dirty pail at home) $17.00

Planet Wise Wipe Set (comes with a bag and 15 wipes... not a huge need... converted our Gerber terry burp cloths into wipes... my suggestion is to take flannel receiving blankets and cut them down to hand sized squares) $16.50

Tiny Tush Premium Unbleached Chinese Prefold Diapers (the premiums have two extra center layers versus the regulars which were a $1 cheaper... 6 come to a pack, figured that the extra padded ones can be for night times) $15.00 * Note: these are currently $11 on the summer blowout web sale

Tweedle Bugs Diaper Covers (these are not a one size but for the price I thought I would try them... they are geared towards fitting the bigger kids - of which mine are) $8.50 each * Note: you can purchase their seconds off the web for $4 - when reading what makes them seconds it simply said that often it is a fold in the sewing that makes them "cosmetically blemished".  

From what I am seeing one would realistically want to have 6 covers on hand, 24 prefolds, 4 doublers, a wet bag for out and about,  and a wet bag for the home pail. 

Here are my website recommendations for the above...

Hope that helps!

Planet Wise

The rest of the stuff...

Simple Pleasures

Happy, smiling Ki

Zeke's little laugh when he tells me that he is teasing me

Michael being home (this weekend will be a five day weekend!)

Getting me ring cleaned... it is sooo shiney

Laundry being done, my house smells so good

Cooler weather - all the windows in my house are wide open

Finding a cloth diapers that I love (Tweedle Bug Covers and Tiny Tush Prefolds)

My hubby taking care of dinner (compliments of Domino's Pizza)

Finding out that my most favorite baby carrier has made some changes to make the carrier even better

A large cup of iced sun tea

A mid day nap with all three of my men

Simple pleasures that make me giggle!

Boba 2G

Those that have seen me know that I am a baby wearing mama.  I discovered a great baby carrier called the Boba last November and basically it was a permanent fixture on my body up until the last month as baby bump number three makes it a little hard to carry Ki around.  One of the things that I love about Boba is that it is a local company that makes it!  I am all about supporting the local businesses so when it came down between the Boba and the ever common Ergo - I went Boba all the way.  At the time I purchased my original Boba the one down fall I felt was that there was not a head support for my sleeping peanut.  Being a mom, which in turn makes me a person of invention in the time of need, I converted a receiving blanket into a head support.  

This past week I went out to support another local business Cloth Diaper Market in Colorado Springs at which I just about did a happy dance right there in the middle of the store... they not only carry the Boba but Boba has come out with a 2G model.  This 2G model has everything that I love about my Boba but they added the one thing I felt like was missing - the head support.  Sakes alive I could not be more happy.  

Now comes the planning and plotting - how am I going to get the 2G?  While at the Cloth Diaper Market in the Springs I entered for a door price give away... still hoping and praying that the 2G will fall in my lap before baby number three's arrival!
Today I contacted Boba and exchanged some emails seeing about upgrading... my love for my Boba made it on their website...
Boba Love

Change is in the air

Many of you have followed my stories about Zeke and his speech delays and such and now we are finally going to see some much needed change!  I believe the last I had wrote was that I was done, done fighting and getting no where with every avenue I was trying... that was in July.  Here we are the first of September and we have finally come across change.  Ultimately God's timing is the final call - and for that I am glad.  After struggling in my own power and then sitting back and giving it all to God - wha-la!  LOL!
Monday was Zeke's first day of preschool at Foothills Christian Preschool.  We went and met his teacher and got to meet the other kids in his class.  After that we headed over to ChildFind South and Zeke had a speech, OT and special education evaluation.  After an hour of games and playing for Zeke the evaluators asked me if I was ready for him to move to four half days at one of their preschools.  Being a little low blood sugar, tired and somewhat overwhelmed I did not ask questions but simply nodded.  Once being home and getting food I realized what they were saying - Zeke is indeed in need of their services! 
Monday night Michael and I spent some time talking about this new information.  We decided that until we got more information that we would have Zeke continue with summer vacation and then see what took place.  We discussed the tuition for the preschool which is much more than we currently pay for FCP and Michael said that he will just start working nights which will bring in a little more money.  Michael and I discussed that we would not make any concrete descions until we had more information, therefore Zeke would keep his spot at FCP and we will just hold that spot while he spent the next two weeks (until our follow-up appointment on the 14th) on summer vacation. 
Yesterday with all the information I made a call again to the evaluator and left a message and then called the director at FCP as she had as a parent gone through ChildFind for her son and talked with her.  After talking with Sandy the director at FCP I felt much more at ease about our decision to hold off on making any hasty choices.  Not ten minutes after getting off the phone with Sandy I got a call from the evaluator stating that yes Zeke is accepted into ChildFind as an IEP Speech and OT student.  Her recommendation is that he attends four days a week for two and half hours each day.  Of those school hours one hour a week will be directed to one on one attention to Zeke and his specific IEP needs and then two of those additional hours will be IEP directed in a group setting.  Equaling out to a total of three hours a week out of the ten hour school week.  The teacher to student ratio is eight : one and there is a maximum of three IEP students per class, so out of 16 max students only two others will have IEPs like Zeke.  The biggie for us is that since Zeke is qualifying for the ChildFind services all tuition will be paid at 100%! 
After all of that - all the worrying, tears, frustrations, and anxiety... God had it all under control and although His timing was not my own He loves Zeke more than even me! 
Oh and here is another one... While we were at the evaluation for Zeke the evaluators were asking me if I have noticed any speech delays with Ki.  I simply chuckled and said, "Yes, he is 16 months and says nothing."  They went on to explain to me that speech delays are actually a genetic thing and that not only does a speech delay effect the language but also the child's visual and spacial discrimination.  They told me that I can Ki tested and if he qualifies he will be given in home care once a week until he turns three at which time he will then be eligible to enter ChildFind preschool program, that of which Zeke is now entering. 
So here I am now sitting back and wondering why as a mommy to I ever think that everything has to sit on my shoulders?  God is in control and even though I had little faith - He still saw it through for the perfect time for us.