Count down

I think that is about all that gets me through the days... Thirteen days until I get meet this little boy. Twenty five days in the hospital so far... One of my cousins aptly said, it is like surviving on Survivor. There are days that it definitely feels like that. I may not be required to eat bugs, but some days the food feels like something foreign that should not be eaten. I am not participating in physically challenging competitions in the same sense but laying still is rather exhausting!
I have been headache free for the most part. A little twing of pain here and there nothing too unbarable, something that can be managed with a little nap and some water. The MRI came back to reveal that there is no clot or leak, so no medical explanation for the headache... A good thing as far as we are concerned.
The last two days have brought on some higher blood pressures but not delivery worthy at this point. There are times that I set off the machine, meaning that my pressures are over 150/90 but in the last four days I have only gotten one gong! The concern lays in if I have two gong worthy pressures in six hours, of which I have not!
Today I had another ultrasound, and baby boy looked great. He tried taking a few breaths, I could see his diaphragm moving and his body moving with those movements, a huge thing. I did get a few three demensional pictures of him and he sure does look like a Kulow. He has a round face with a defined forehead and chin. At one point he opened his eyes too as if he was looking at me. It will be neat to actually see his little eyes and see his little face when that time comes.
On a much lighter note... As I sit here in the hospital I find myself laughing out loud at all these woman that come and go. I dont know who they are but I see shadows from under my door and occasionally hear the yells of women meeting their little bundles. I will say that as I hear the yelling I think, oh how neat that they are meeting their babies but also think, suck it up and quit your yelling! LOL

The plan

Like I promised I would update you as soon as I am updated... We have a plan! My labs are holding... Good. My ultrasound was good as well, baby weights four pounds three ounces and looks great, he is a moving machine. His blood flow looks good as well.
The neonatologist's recommendation was that we hold off to thirty four weeks for delivery in the mean time he suggested a consolation with a nerologist.
My doctor came and visited me while Michael was here. She explained that deliverery will take place at thirty four weeks. The only chance of changing that induction would be if my blood pressures sky rocket again or if my headache comes on with a vengeance and does not let up. While talking with my doctor the neurologist came in and the plan is for me to have an MRI. I asked my doctor what the likelihood of me being able to go home and she simply said there is no chance. She explained that the likelihood of complications coming on quickly are too great.
So home will be here for me for the next sixteen days, then there will be delivery, tubal tie and then recovery. The chances of little boy having to spend some time in the NICU are all dependent on him.
The next few weeks will be long, today as the boys were leaving little Ki guy kept grabbing my hand and trying to get me to come with him. He just clung to my neck... Hard to let my baby go home without me!

Game plan

Thankfully my doctor is back. After a lengthy conversation with her today I feel at peace and am confident that I am in good hands. The game plan as of right now is that tomorrow morning I will have my blood drawn at six, will have an ultrasound at nine to see the weight and length of baby and check his blood flow and then once all that information is gathered we will jointly make a game plan. So by tomorrow around two-ish we should know when baby is coming and the plan will be set and we will not change from that. So please be praying that my doctor and the perinatologist are able to collect the proper information and that whatever it is that God's hand is in the midst of it all. Pray that Michael and I will feel at peace, be comfortable and confident of the choice. Pray that my body will continue to hold up and that baby is growing wonderfully and that his time here in the hospital will be as short as possible.

Emotions

I have been recently asked how am I doing... Not the physical aspect but emotionally. To this question I honestly don't have an answer. I am tired, that is the biggest thing. My emotions have ranged, I have in the past few days been so mad that I felt like I might hit someone, frustrated with changes. As you can see it is hard to put exact words on this adventure, the bottom line is that in any given situation there is going to be a variety of emotions, everything is condensed and causing a roller coaster ride of emotions.

Limbo

Well today marks day twenty of my stay here at Swedish Hospital in Englewood, Colorado. Granted and thankfully not all twenty of those days have been consecutive but still twenty days. You would think that after that many days that I would have a clear idea of what the coming days hold... Not a chance. Every day is different and new. Honestly every day I cringe when a doctor opens to the door, not sure of what news they come bearing. As I am sure you can imagine every doctor has their own ideas, as seen during this last stay making every day a little nerve wracking. The good news I suppose is that baby number three is still warmly baking in my tummy where he should be, my body is holding up as well as can be expected and emotionally I think I have somewhat shut down only to keep my own sanity. My labs are stable and in good standings, the only thing that seems to be bouncing around is my protien levels but that seems to be an objective test with varying discretion levels depending on the doctor at the time. The good news was that the collection that was done yesterday was one hundred points lower than the one done two days prior, so there is something good.
For me at this point I feel like I have somewhat shut down and am just along for the ride. I have had to apologize to Michael a few times for not asking more questions as he is not here often when the doctors or nurses come in to see me. I feel like I just sit back and offer my arm for labs, my arm for blood presided readings, my belly for monitoring and if they ask if I have any questions I just shrug it off. I know that is a poor attitude but I think that is just about the only thing that is keeping me sain, or somewhat sain.
Each time Zeke and Ki come to visit me, my heart breaks a little more. I think there is a part of me that is so glad that they are so young, my hope is that they will not remember this crazy time in their lives. yesterday was a sweet day with my boys, they came and snuggled on my bed and we watched a movie together. Zeke had a lot to tell me about his little slumber party at our friends house during the last ordeal and Ki often was chiming in, not with words but with grunts and smiles. I know that my boys are fine with Michael and those that have graciously offeered to help, but as their mommy I am jealous that it is not me that is taking care of them, like I have done for the last two and half years.