Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Mommy Confessions

Hang in there - I have been a little extra emotional as of late and I think that mixed with everyday life has had my mind running a mile a minute.
Before I had kids I thought I knew exactly how things were going to go... I would have my children I would raise them and they would turn out to be perfect little citizens with no troubles, no mishaps - just Perfect.  I know, I know - idealistic, yes - however don't we all have those similar thoughts (may not share them aloud, but here it is to read and laugh about!).  
Now being a mom of my two little men and another little guy on the way I have had to take some of my hard fast responses towards kids and the raising of them and make some drastic adjustments!  In case you were wondering when you leave the hospital with your little pink bundle of joy it doesn't come with a handbook... sure there have been handbooks written but not a single one of them will answer your specific questions for your little pink bundle. 
Take for instance the newest change in my "hard fast mothering ideas": to cloth diaper or not.  I was hell bent that I would never do cloth diapers.  Here I am over a month into them and although I have put disposables on Ki a few times due to some horrific tummy troubles I have ultimately been very pleased with my choice to switch.  
Another one of those ideas was television.  I used to swear that my children would not be allowed to watch television.  I hate when parents use television as a babysitter and leave their children sitting in front of the television.  Well - not that my boys are allowed to sit down and watch endless amounts of television, but I have been known to sit down with the boys and let them watch one or two cartoons in the morning as a way of allowing me a little wake up and transition time as well as once 7pm comes around I use the television as a distraction and a break for me and my parenting skills.  
So now I have come across another possible budge spot on my hard and fast ideas!  What is it?  Homeschooling... hear me out before you begin to chuckle.  With all that we have been going through with Zeke and trying to get him speech therapy has me second guessing my ability to homeschool.  The change from our safe, secure and familiar church preschool has me thinking - just maybe.  As I entered the new preschool I walked away thinking... I should go back to teaching preschool and show them how much fun it can be as well as how great you can make your classroom look.  I know that part of it is my deep seeded competitiveness but I think more than that it is my desire to keep my baby safe and know exactly what he is seeing, hearing and doing. 
Today I got a chance to talk with the preschool director about some of my concerns about Zeke's feeling and reactions to afternoon preschool and she offered a few options to me... like I said earlier God has it all under control!  One of the options that she offered was the ability to cut back from four days a week to two days and then gradually expand to the four in the afternoon.  The other option that she offered was the ability to transfer to two days a week in the morning, I guess that is all that is available at this time.  
I left my talk with her thinking... maybe two days a week in the public preschool getting the speech therapy that he needs and then me being more conscientious to provide Zeke with developmental and educational activities on the other days might be the best thing.  He would be getting the services that sent us to the preschool in the first place as well as the social interactions that are so important for his development and then I could offer the extra "educational" portion that Michael really wants to see as a means of having our son prepared to enter kindergarten.  Plus if he moves to the two days a week it would be Wednesday and Friday meaning that Zeke would be able to make it to MOPS and Bible study with me every Thursday and have a chance to be around our church friend's kids as well as be in the comfort zone of church at least one day a week.  
I am seeing a possibility of another hard fast idea going to the wayside as I continue on this path called motherhood!