Saturday, January 22, 2011

Where one road ends another begins

I think that best fits for life right now... My forty one days now here in the hospital will be coming to an end soon but Zach's time here just began. Yesterday, after twenty six hours post delivery I got to meet Zachariah. As I was being wheeled down to the NICU I was overcome by emotions. As I entered his room for the first time my heart sank, I felt like I could have done more to keep him safe, I felt like I had let him down, but most of all I felt an ocean of worry finally wash away, I was meeting my third son for the first time. I no longer had to depend on pictures from Michael to know what he looked like I could put my two own hands on him and know without a shadow of doubt that he is going to be okay. My first visit was very overrwhelming. The NICU is tucked way back in the corner and it has the feel as you enter it of being a top secret place. The rooms are dark, the noise levels are subdued and the few people that are down here are busy attending to the little beings that are here. Although I was told a lot of information on my first visit here, my retention level of that information was not there, I was dealing with the emotional aspect. I spent about an hour taking it all in. After about an hour I headed back to my new room. Sleep overtook me for three hours. When I awoke I spent some time pumping some milk and then came for another visit. My second visit was much better, I was able to walk to hallway all by myself, I entered Zach's room to find him resting. A two hour visit spent asking questions, finding out about the machines, Zach's health and simply resting my hands on him put my mind at ease. During my second visit I got a chance to help with Zach's care time, which simply means I got to change his diaper, check his temperature and help reposition him. Every chance I get to touch my baby is just a shear pleasure, I now that it is small but I think life will be full of small steps for our little one in the beginning and I know I can speak for Michael in this as well... Those small steps are what is going to make this little boy grow to become a strong man!