Gravity

This last week I have been hit by the gravity of being a mom.  I have been stressing horribly about school and education for my boys so much this last week... so much so that it is well after my normal bed time and I can't fall asleep because I am haunted.  I get this feeling every now and then and usually is it about something big... a choice that effects my babies. 
Yesterday was the epitome of it all.  Michael has been working long days, which in trade means that for the last few days I have been parenting on my own.  This always is tiring in itself.  Then add my Monday to it all and by last night, Wednesday, my nerves were shot.  Michael was home relatively early and I was feeling like I needed some hugs and attention from him so I went up to his office where he was reading his paper and doing his thing, I asked him to just hug me because I was feeling overwhelmed.  While reaching to hug him back I spilled his drink all over him, all over the desk and all over the floor... really?  I started to laugh and then burst into tears.  Really?  That all set me into a tizzy... feeling like I am failing.  Never a good place to dwell for anyone.
This morning I woke up and convinced myself I was going to take a day off of stressing about school and what this fall has for our family and our boys but I could not let it go.  I wish I knew the answer... Do we do preschool, do I put one or both boys in, do I do two or three days a week, do we skip it all and focus on just playing together as a family?  The list could go on and on to be honest. 
Where I stand right now (granted it is 11:30pm and with my emotions and mental state it could change at any moment) is that we do not continue our enrollment at preschool.  I keep the boys at home and we work on speech through continued speech therapy and the boys and I get a year pass to our rec center and we take advantage of the classes and such that are provided through that this coming year.  Before I know it I will be enrolling Zeke for kindergarten and he will begin his schooling years and our special time together will be gone! 
Which brings me to my next stressor...  Kindergarten.  What school do I send him to?  Do we go to our local public school?  Do I try to get him into a charter school?  If I try the charter route do I look in the area that we are currently living in or do I look in the area that we would like to move to?  Do I want a Core Knowledge program or a Montessori program?  If I am looking at charter schools than I need to begin to really search through the possibilities in the coming months because first round enrollment is the first week of January... yes that is a ways off but there are a lot of options out there and which is going to be the best fit for Zeke and then for his brothers when the time comes, as well as a good fit for our family.
As you can see my mind has been running a mile a minute and the bottom line is that I know that things will all work out but I want to make sure that I am doing what is absolutely the best for my babies!  Currently feeling like a ton of bricks are weighing down on me and the gravity of it all has my heart racing and my mind spinning.   Phew! 

Really?

That was what I was saying to myself all day yesterday, "Really?" 

Friday afternoon Malachi woke up from his nap and was limping.  Nothing too serious but it was noticeable.  When Michael got home I had him look at Ki's foot, leg and hip.  We determined that it was Ki's hip that was bothering him.  Being that it was the evening there was nothing that could be done so it was the weekend of waiting it out.  Saturday it was even worse and Sunday was the worst of all.  He was not wanting to walk.  He got down from the table and stepped wrong and just started to cry.  Needless to say I was thinking that I should take him to the emergency room but Michael told me to just wait for Monday and take him to the doctor.  So I woke up and called the doctor first thing to get an appointment as early as possible.  Ki, Riah and I headed to the doctor at 8:15 am and Michael took Zeke to swim lessons at 9am.  Ki did not get done with his appointment until 9:40am... they took two x-rays and five vials of blood.  I was told to just wait to hear back from the doctor with results.  We got home and I called the chiropractor and got Ki in for a 3:20pm appointment for an adjustment to try and alleviate some of the pain that he was experiencing.  The chiropractor helped and so we headed back home and got home around 4:45pm.  My neighbor came over to the house and we sat on the back patio and watched the kids play in the backyard.  My neighbor left at 5:20pm and I was telling the boys to come in the house and as I am saying that I hear Zeke scream... the scream that sent me running.  I get to Zeke to be greeted with a mouth bleeding and his tongue hanging out with a big flap hanging.  Needless to say I rushed him into the bathroom had him rinse his mouth with water to try and see what the damage was.  I called Michael to see if I should take him to the hospital.  Granted Michael could not see the damage and was only hearing my somewhat panicked description.   I headed to the emergency room and arrived there with my three crazy boys at 5:45pm.  We were taken back immediately and by that time I was thinking, "Why did I even bother?"  My concern was put to rest when the doctor came in and said that although it was a bleeder that there was nothing to be done, no stitches or  shot, just a hydrogen peroxide wash out four times a day.  Finally back home at 6:30pm I was feeling spent and the best thing that happened all day was that none of the boys really napped so by 8:30pm everyone was out.  Oh, yeah to top it all off of course Michael was working late... he got home around 8:15pm. 
A followup from the test results from yesterday come this morning in a call from the doctor... it is not hip displaysia, it is not cancer, it may still be arthritis or a viral infection.  We should have the rest of the test results in the next few days. 
Today we are spending playing in the backyard, I am getting laundry done and getting things around the house done... laying low is the best description for our day today!

Summer time with the boys

Sorry I have not posted in a while, I have been busy with life and today I realized that it had been a while.  Not much has been going on other than spending time at the pool and trying to stay cool.  Here are a few pictures of our attempts of that!

Super Hero Invasion

The boys have gotten into dress up the last few days and knowing me, I couldn't help but snap a few!

This is how we roll...

Morning tea and reading a book

Skateboarding... his face is priceless!

Gettin' big

A little water gun action... his face is priceless!  The gun is still too big for his little arms it took a lot of work, as you can see, to get the gun to spray.

Afternoon nap!

The Official Schedule

I am a schedule person.  I am not a stickler about schedules but for the most part our days look about the same from Monday to Friday.  Our day outside the home starts around nine and then we are usually home around noon for lunch and naps around one and then the rest of the afternoon is spend playing around the house. 
Monday I was soooo, looking forward to nap time in our house because that morning I got home from the gym and Riah was already awake which meant I did not get to shower before our day began.  Needless to say Monday nap time was much needed and come one I put the older boys down and then got Riah down.  I waited a half an hour, an hour, and an hour and a half... no nap.  Zeke and Ki spent their time in their room playing, after one spanking and yelling that it was nap time I gave up.  I realized that it was not worth my anxiety to get a nap in for the boys.  So after I finally let the boys get up Zeke informed me of the week's schedule... silly me, why didn't I think to consult my four year old for how things work in our house?
So apparently the schedule looks something like this:
Monday - play day
Tuesday - snack day
Wednesday - they nap
Thursday - they nap
Friday  - golf day
Silly mommy!  I guess I was all off thinking that I had things under control!

Growing Up

This week I have been significantly hit by the fact that my babies are growing up.
Zeke and I were talking about when he gets bigger he will be a daddy... this conversation was spurred on by the fact that Michael bought a remote control helicopter and he said that it is just for daddy... hence Zeke is already planning on when he will be a daddy to get the helicopter.  That being put the side though, he is getting taller and I know that before I know it I will be looking up to him.  Even after our talk though Zeke told me, "Don't worry about it mom, I will still be your baby boy!"  Gotta love that kid!
Ki has potty trained himself!  Yeah, remember my stressing about it last week... well, he has taken it upon himself and is doing awesome.  Granted there are still accidents, but he is going to the bathroom by himself and going potty.  Yesterday we had a potty breakthrough too... number two went in the potty for the first time and it stayed there, no field trip around the house in the hands of Ki for that number two!  Yeah!!! 
Riah is cutting his first tooth, the little spot can be seen.  He is gumming everything in sight and drooling like a leaky faucet.  This weekend was the first somewhat successful cereal feeding for Riah.  He is a spazz, it took Michael and I to get the food in his mouth and he would just about eat Michael whole hand if he didn't take it away fast enough.  He is rolling over like a champ and he is almost got the whole sitting thing.  He can sit with the help and support of the Boppy around him but it doesn't last too long.  If he had it his way he would be out playing with his brothers.  When Zeke and Ki are in the front living room playing with their cars Riah is watching them like a hawk.  Ki is really good about giving Riah a car to hold and he thinks that he is the coolest thing ever.
So although there are days that I dread what might happen I know that I better treasure every bit of it before I turn around and I am sending them on their way for life!

Road Block

Grrrr!  Once I got over the mental block of waking up at 4am to go to the gym my lovely child has to throw a wrench in the plan.  Friday, Saturday and Monday I got up in the morning after feeding Riah and went to the gym.  Sunday I did take off like I said but got back to it Monday.  Well then my little Riah bug decided that he is not going to keep the same sleep pattern that he has had for the last two months.  Instead of going to bed at 7:30pm and then waking up at 4am for a feeding and going back to bed until 6:30am, he has been going to bed at the same time but then waking up at 10pm, 1am stays awake until 2:30 and then wakes up again at 4:30am and then up for the day at 6am!  I mean, come on already!  The mental block of a 4am gym time seems like nothing but the wake ups in the middle of the night on top of that is just too much for me to do and then be functional for the rest of the day with the older two.  I can contribute these restless nights to teething as Riah is cutting his first tooth, however my fat won't go away on its own since Riah is cutting teeth!  I am going to have to do something... maybe gym at night after I put Riah to bed at 7pm... the only thing with that is I am usually "pumped" after the gym and have a hard time shutting down then for the night.  UGH!

Biking

Well today I thought I would trade up the usual elliptical and headed over to the bikes this morning.  In thirty minutes I biked 10.81 miles, my goal was 11 miles but I was a little shy of that.  I guess I will just have to try again tomorrow.  Today I rode on the "recliner" bike and I have decided that I really don't like it, so I will have to move to the "real" bike.  Although my arms are still really sore today I pushed through it and tried my hand again at some weights.  Sakes, am I just gluten for pain?  I know that there will come a day when the "bent arm syndrome" that I am currently suffering from will not be as severe, so I will hang in there! 
Well, off to get the rest of the day started today.  I am thinking a day at the park might be nice or the pool, I am torn between the two.

Feelin' it

So after two days at the gym and trying to get my butt in shape I am feeling it.  Yesterday I was on the elliptical for thirty five minutes and I went 3.2 miles and burned 345 calories.  Although I did my cardio that is not what is burning... my arms and stomach are feeling it!  Sakes, when I go to straighten my arms I feel it so I feel like I am walking around like a Barbie with the bent arms (trust me that is about the only thing in me that resembles a Barbie!).  So I am just going to put it out there... my goal is to loose my age in weight by my birthday.  I think I can, I think I can!

Bananas

I don't know about your house, but here in our house I like my bananas a little on the green side.  My boys will eat them once they are "too ripe" in my opinion - all yellow.  No one will touch them once they get more than a few spots of brown on them.  So then once they get spotty Zeke starts asking about banana bread.  Well yesterday I after hitting the gym, taking a shower, and checking email I headed down stairs to the kitchen and made a few loafs of banana bread.  Well to be exact I made a dozen muffins, two small loafs and one large loaf.  If you are looking for a great banana bread recipe try this one... Banana Bread.  I usually use three bananas and I blend them with the hand blender.  Depending on whether I have sour cream or not I will use yogurt sometimes.  Yesterday I used sour cream since I had it and added chocolate chips to the large loaf.  Being at altitude this recipe works well as is and I made it at sea level and it works well too!  Here is to spotty bananas!

Accomplished

Let me just say that I am feeling rather accomplished!  It is 5:45am and I have already been to the gym and taken a shower and replied to three emails that I had in my inbox.  Although I feel accomplished right now who knows how I will be feeling around two this afternoon!?!?!
I have decided that after the 4am feeding with Riah that I am going to head to the gym.  I have been putting on more weight than I have been loosing and I have gotten to the point where I do not feel comfortable in my own skin and my clothes are not fitting and I don't have money to go buy myself a "fat" wardrobe.  This morning was my first time and I know that there is not a noticeable difference in my body but as far as my emotional state goes I am on a high!
This morning I got on the elliptical for 25 minutes and went 2.06 miles... yes I know that is nothing to write home about but since the last time I was at the gym was well... four years ago... I am doing okay!  The bottom line is that I did not pass out, I was able to walk out of the gym on my own accord and although there is a burn in my legs and stomach I was able to walk up the stairs in my house to take a hot shower.  Accomplished!
Another area of accomplishment in our house is Ki and the whole potty thing.  Don't get me wrong we have a long ways to go before I will classify him as potty trained but he has done really well the last two days.  I think once I gave up he decided that he would take it on himself... to a fault last night I will admit!  I have been prompting Ki to go in and go potty and he will do so all by himself.  He will come and get me to let me know that he went potty and we do a little dance and then get his clothes back on.  Last night however was the first in the week that number two made it in the potty... well that is until he wanted to show me what he had done.  Needless to say I had an impromptu carpet cleaning last night!  We will get there and I have discovered that for Ki it will be on his terms... he must be a Kulow!  ;-)

Re-grouped

I will admit that I was feeling rather defeated yesterday after our not so stellar potty day.  I had to spend some time last night after Ki went to bed to regroup mentally.  I reminded myself that not all my kids are the same and what worked for one will not work for others.  There is never a kindergartner that is still in diapers.  It was only one day... I have to cut myself some slack.
So after having my mental pep talk last night I was feeling okay this morning about taking on another potty day, then it was shattered by a very grouchy Ki!  UGH!  I was so frazzled on top of being a potty day it was speech therapy day too.  Wednesdays are just not my favorite days because I feel like I am running like a mad woman, however I decided that one day of running is better than having multiple days of therapy.
Any way... as I am trying to get to speech therapy I wind up sitting in horrible traffic which makes me late to Zeke's session and when we eventually get there I am trying to get Ki out of the car and he is just screaming and wont get out of the car. 
We finally get upstairs and one of the moms sitting in the waiting room asks, "So it is one of those days?"  My glazed look and Ki's red face and tears probably gave us away.  The mom then takes Riah for me and feeds him and the other mom just starts talking with me.  These two moms have their own lives and problems but saw my distress and helped me out. 
I was so blessed!  One of the mom has seven kids, her youngest is a boy in speech therapy and one of her kids has downs.  The other mom is a mom of two and her youngest is the same age of Zeke.  These two ladies were just so nice to me that it really helped me out, to realize that I am not in the potty training and speech therapy world all alone. 

Day one

So the damage for the day...
Three accidents
Four potty successes
After the first thirty minutes of the day treats as bribes stopped working.
No nap due to saying he had to go potty.
Hoping for an early night for Ki and a better day tomorrow!

Six Minute Days

For the near future my days are marked by six minute intervals.  Why you might ask?  Well, I am going to try and master potty training Ki in the coming two weeks.  Yes, you read that right... two weeks!  Already today I was in for a rude awakening, although Zeke potty trained in one week with three weeks of accidents I am thinking this time around I am in for a little more trouble.  I had to have a little chat with myself this morning to remind myself that all three of my boys are all different and unique and just because the older one did it one way does not mean that the subsequent will do it the same.  So, we are three hours into this whole thing and we have had one accident and one self potty time (Ki sat down all by himself and went pee in the potty).  I am pumping the kids full of water, juice, chocolate milk, tea and just about any liquid they ask for in means of encouraging potty times quicker.  We shall see how we last through the day... I might be hitting the mommy juice this evening! ;-) 

Ya'll know the phrase...

Champagne taste on a beer budget

Yep, that pretty much sums up me.  This weekend Michael took the boys and I to Park Meadows mall.  After three years of living here I have never been to this mall, and now I know why - you have to have money!  After walking around the mall for two hours I have decided that when we win the lottery I am headed straight there, well that is of course after I buy our house. 
I would spend my time in Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrel to decorate my house, I love just about everything in those stores.

Then I would head over to J.Jill to clothe myself. 

M.A.C. to pretty up my face.
Vera Bradley to get a tote or two!

Then to the Lego store to get the boys some toys. 
As you can see I would spend my money quickly in this mall!  Sakes, after two hours in the mall I think I had better stay far away from there.

Escaping the heat, yet again

Today was another scorcher of a day so myself and my men packed up and headed for the mountains.  Mark, Michael's dad met us up there.  The original idea was for Mark, Michael and the two older boys to go fishing... notice how I said the "idea" well when you get two little guys near the water about all that is going to happen is anything but fishing.  So after what Michael classifies bush waking with Zeke and Ki, Michael wound up coming back with Ki.  The first words out of Michael's mouth was, "Honey, I am not sure how I survived my childhood."  Then I notice that Michael only has Ki and he left Zeke with Mark... needless to say once Zeke got back he was still alive and only had scratches on his legs.  Escape the heat was my plan and I succeeded, Michael put up a small tent shade for Riah and myself and we spent some time napping together in the great outdoors.  A pretty good day in my book!

Happy Fourth of July

For fourth of July Michael took the boys and I to see the Denver Outlaws play at the Invesco field and then after the game we enjoyed some pretty cool fireworks.  While watching lacrosse we had to enjoy the usual sports foods... nachos, soft pretzels and popcorn.   The boys could really care less about the sports event they wanted to foods and then the fireworks.  Hope that you had a great day with family and friends!