Thursday, July 28, 2011


This last week I have been hit by the gravity of being a mom.  I have been stressing horribly about school and education for my boys so much this last week... so much so that it is well after my normal bed time and I can't fall asleep because I am haunted.  I get this feeling every now and then and usually is it about something big... a choice that effects my babies. 
Yesterday was the epitome of it all.  Michael has been working long days, which in trade means that for the last few days I have been parenting on my own.  This always is tiring in itself.  Then add my Monday to it all and by last night, Wednesday, my nerves were shot.  Michael was home relatively early and I was feeling like I needed some hugs and attention from him so I went up to his office where he was reading his paper and doing his thing, I asked him to just hug me because I was feeling overwhelmed.  While reaching to hug him back I spilled his drink all over him, all over the desk and all over the floor... really?  I started to laugh and then burst into tears.  Really?  That all set me into a tizzy... feeling like I am failing.  Never a good place to dwell for anyone.
This morning I woke up and convinced myself I was going to take a day off of stressing about school and what this fall has for our family and our boys but I could not let it go.  I wish I knew the answer... Do we do preschool, do I put one or both boys in, do I do two or three days a week, do we skip it all and focus on just playing together as a family?  The list could go on and on to be honest. 
Where I stand right now (granted it is 11:30pm and with my emotions and mental state it could change at any moment) is that we do not continue our enrollment at preschool.  I keep the boys at home and we work on speech through continued speech therapy and the boys and I get a year pass to our rec center and we take advantage of the classes and such that are provided through that this coming year.  Before I know it I will be enrolling Zeke for kindergarten and he will begin his schooling years and our special time together will be gone! 
Which brings me to my next stressor...  Kindergarten.  What school do I send him to?  Do we go to our local public school?  Do I try to get him into a charter school?  If I try the charter route do I look in the area that we are currently living in or do I look in the area that we would like to move to?  Do I want a Core Knowledge program or a Montessori program?  If I am looking at charter schools than I need to begin to really search through the possibilities in the coming months because first round enrollment is the first week of January... yes that is a ways off but there are a lot of options out there and which is going to be the best fit for Zeke and then for his brothers when the time comes, as well as a good fit for our family.
As you can see my mind has been running a mile a minute and the bottom line is that I know that things will all work out but I want to make sure that I am doing what is absolutely the best for my babies!  Currently feeling like a ton of bricks are weighing down on me and the gravity of it all has my heart racing and my mind spinning.   Phew!