Thursday, March 11, 2010

A Mommy's Heart

As a mom there are times that you just know something is going on, how far do you push for things for your children?  Today was one of those days that my mommy heart was really breaking.  Over the last three weeks I have seen my little Zeke grow and mature and to that I am tremendously blessed.  In addition to this mature level that has come over Zeke has come something that is really been eating away at me.  Zeke has been struggling with his speech, he has always been a little hard to understand being that most of his words don't have beginning consonants and if they do they are usually not the right ones!  Lately Zeke has been battling with his little mind getting ahead of his mouth and leaving him studdering. 
This morning after four melt downs due to my lack of understanding what he is trying to say or my lack of patience needed to understand him, I was at a breaking point.  Feeling like I am not being the best mom for him I was just at a loss!  What am I supposed to do to help my little man get his words out in a way that I and others can understand him. 
Feeling a little desperate I went to the school down the street from my house and spoke with their speech therapist, she gave me some information and told me about the Child First program.  Then shared with me that if Zeke is not in a Jefco school that he does not qualify.  Plus being that he is not yet three they will not even consider him.  And to top it all off she said that I could try calling but being that we are nearing the end of the school year they will not talk to me until the fall.  Needless to say I was feeling more desperate and overwhelmed.  After the run around with the school I went to pick up my little man at preschool. 
As I am picking him up his teacher pulled me aside and quietly asked me if I have noticed Zeke's studdering... I almost lost it right then and there.  I shared with her my morning and also shared with her my time at the school.  She very compassionately suggested to me that I go and speak with the preschool director who apparently has a son that studders and she worked with the school system to get him help. 
After a thirty minute talk with the preschool director she encouraged me and simply said that maybe calling and talking with Zeke's primary care doctor would be the first and easiest way to handle this.  She said that she had gone through the same insurance that we have and was able to get her son tested and then was able to build a plan from there.  So that is where I am!  I just called and talked with the doctor's nurse, she said that she would send the doctor an email and then get back to me. 
I want to make sure that I am doing what is right!  I don't want to make a big deal about something that really is not a big deal, but in the back of my mind this has been there and with the growing frustration on Zeke's level my heart only continues to break.  I know that I want what is best for him, but is sending him for testing too early?  Is it going to only worsen the situation?  My head is spinning, I wish my babies came with manuals so that I knew what to do and what was the best option for them.  So please pray for me, pray that I do what is best for Zeke, pray that I push when I need to push and I sit back and let things happen when the time calls!