Saturday, December 11, 2010

Anxious Heart and Mind

I think that the exhaustion of Wednesday has worn off and now I am left with the anxiety of what the coming days and weeks hold.  Wednesday and Thursday night I slept like a baby, now waking or stirring... tonight is another story.  I woke up at a quarter to one and here I sit an hour later and my mind will not stop racing.  I know that it is not healthy for me or for the baby, which then only gets the guilty conscience playing in my mind even more.
I think the biggest thing that I am thinking about right now is the logistical aspect of everything... When will my body be done carrying this little one?  Will it have been enough time?  If it is not enough time, what does that mean for him?  Will our lives be turned upside down with daily visits to the hospital to visit him in the NICU?  How big will he be?  Will I need to purchase premmie clothes?  Is it too soon to wash all the clothes and bedding here for him?  Do I need to purchase something for him specifically for him for the car seat or will he be okay in what we have... size and all?  As I am going through the clothes that I have from my two other babies what will his seasons be like - if he is born premmie will I be off on sizes for him?  At this stage in gestation, if he weighed two pounds and thirteen ounces on Wednesday what kind of weight gain will take place in the days and weeks ahead?  If I start eating more foods that are higher in fat, will be benefit or will I just blow up like a balloon? 
As you can see, it would be hard to sleep with all these questions bouncing around in your head!  Hoping that "airing" them will help me now find some sleep as the rest of my house slumbers peacefully.