Roller Coaster

Think of Goliath at Magic Mountain... Do you have that image? Yep, pretty much been riding that for the last few days. My last post was that I was home and labs were being waited for, Tuesday night. Wednesday morning I woke up and had some very high blood pressure readings, which had me call my doctor she said that I was to head directly to the hospital. Upon my arrival a headache started to form in my right eye, which came on abruptly and became overwhelming. Another twenty four hour urine was started at noon to check for my protein levels. That night my doctor and I discussed that if the protein did indeed come back over the previously discussed benchmark that delivery would most likely take place. One o'clock on Thursday, marking the end of my urine collection and thirty one weeks gestation - my doctor made the call that we would process with an induction and early delivery. At six o'clock last night I was moved from one room to another and was given a cervix dilating pill. The pill placement would take place every four hours. After the first pill I began contracting every ten to fifteen minutes. After the second pill the intensity grew and the time variation was lessened to every ten to five minutes. At seven o'clock in the morning this morning, contraction were coming every two to ten minutes. My cervix went from long and closed to soft and thin, but no opening. At eleven this morning a doctor from another clinic, not in my doctor's practice comes into my room and threw a wrench like no other... Put a hold on everything. Well the truth is, he put a hold on induction but not the fact that I was on three IV drip bags, a catheter, or the continual contractions. He explained that he would like to hold all proceedings with the induction until he could more closely look at my chart and order some new labs. He informed Michael and I that he would need a few hours and that he would get back to us. Meanwhile, I am still in the same state I was in at seven in the morning, contractions and all. The hours start rolling on... Nothing. No phone call, no response, no change... Frustration and emotions begin escalating. At four in the afternoon the nurse comes in to my room and informs me that the doctor is really busy and just told her to undo my IV and he will get back with us when he can. By this time, my exhaustion catches up with my frustration and emotions and the water works begin. After trying to hash things out with the nurses and trying to get some answers the conclusion that no answers will be gotten without the doctor, we are left. Michael left to pick up our boys that were being watched by our friends for now twenty four hours and here I sit, mind you water works are still flowing and contractions are still coming. The poor night nurse is walking into my room asking what she can do and I simply ask for some ice chips. Ice chips will make it all better right? So now I sit here munching on ice chips, hunching over every few minutes to wait out a contraction, wondering what else is going to come my way. My poor husband feeling the same frustrations as me, simply said as he was leaving..."Come March we will have a baby." yes, that is true, this baby is going to come out some time, the condition of my body and mental standing is what is in question. Back to the night nurse, she seeing the obvious emotional status of me says that she will put a call in to get the catheter removed, see about getting mess to stop the contractions and even see if maybe I could just go home and wait everything out with my family.
So that is the update... Now you understand the roller coaster picture I asked you to visualize!

Update

Well the best update that I think there is, is that I am still able to be home. I had an ultrasound yesterday at the hospital and baby looks great. He is having his own little pool party totally unaware of the havoc he is bringing to my body. This morning I went in for an appointment with my doctor at which my blood was drawn and should hear back on this either early evening or tomorrow morning. My blood pressure was okay for the appointment. One thing that the doctor and I discussed is the reality of having hit three hundred in the protein bracket. She said that the likely hood of me being over that bench mark is high but at this point if my other labs are okay than we will hold off and not rush in to delivery. I expressed my desire to not have to stay at the hospital again until I go in to have him and she agreed with me, saying that seemed fair and reasonable. So where it stands, is we are on a daily watch, one thing could change and cause the need to deliver, at this point I have an appointment on Thursday and again on Monday. The doctor said that at this point she is not going to plan any further out than that. So basically the prayers are working... Baby is still baking and I am at home resting with my family.

Best Present Ever

Not to minimize the wonderful iPad that Michael bought me for Christmas, but the doctor on call just gave me one of the best presents ever... A Christmas furlough. Yes, you read that right! I get to go home for Christmas. I will check back in on Tuesday with my doctor but I get to go home for a few days. I get to spend Today through Monday in the comfort of my own house with my family. I can not even begin to tell you how happy I am. I am currently on baby monitor right now and then I will begin packing up my stuff for a trip back home. Merry Christmas!

Productive morning...

Well as productive as I am allowed that is. I slept in until seven this morning, yes that is sleeping in... A tried waking up earlier but the motivation was just not there. I made my bed with new sheets, which is something that the nurses usually do but they got busy yesterday with babies and never made it to do. Then I took a nice hot shower and got dressed in some real clothes today. Yep, pretty sad that that is my idea of a productive day now. Amazing how things change in a matter of two weeks. Now I lay here in bed feeling slightly winded from my adventures of the morning and feeling like, when is this going to end!
Yesterday my mom got a little taste of my daily life with my two boys. Michael headed off to work in the morning and mom got the boys dressed and took them to one of our parks. After playing there they headed to Chick Fil A for some lunch and more play in the structure. Then a little visit here with me then home again home again jiggity jig for naps and then the night time routines. Mom called me a few times to share some hiillarious story which warmed my heart and made me laugh out loud. I am so glad that my mom was able to come out here even if it is for just a few days, I know the boys have enjoyed it!
Well today is Christmas Eve... It doesn't feel like it at all, I think the biggest reason is because of the obvious, I am here in a hospital bed. The weekend before I wound up here we went to grandma and grandpa's place and cut down what Zeke was calling the perfect tree, but that was as far as we got... Cutting it down. Well Michael did bring it is the house and he put it in the stand and put water in it... To which Zeke is confused that the tree is not growing. He keeps telling me that there is water in the tree but it is just not growing. Last night Michael had mentioned putting lights on the tree but I told him why, at this point just take it down, clean up the floor and be done with it. Not sure what will happen with it. Kind of sad that we cut a tree down and it simply stood in the living room window unadorned, oh well, life got in the way.
Yesterday I was blessed by a friend that come to visit me. She is one of those ladies that quietly sits to the side and you notice her, but the thing that you most notice about her is her sweet demeanor. Well, yesterday she and her daughter came to visit me for a little while and blessed me with a lotiony foot massage and just some conversation that was not surrounded around my four walls here. I was utterly blessed by her kind gesture and the fact that her teen daughter wanted to come and join as well. Blessings from those around me I don't think will ever cease to amaze me! They only seem to solidify the fact that our family is right where we are supposed to be, that is one of the best feelings ever!
Merry Christmas to you and your family and truly for the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you for your prayers, love and support as our family walks this unfamiliar territory, not alone but with the love of all of you! Blessings!

The state of limbo

That is where I currently sit, is the state of limbo. If one or more of the things on the scale changes then we will be in go mode. My blood pressure is behaving with the bed rest that I have been placed on, if it does change and reach 150/100 then we are go. My protien levels are 297 and the cut off is 300, splitting hairs it might be, but those three points might be the difference between a day or so more of baking which each day is better for baby. No blood will be drawn today, but tomorrow morning labs will be drawn, if there's a change for the worse in those then we are go. Although an end date or time would be beneficial like I said this morning each lab result is the line between baby baking or baby coming. As information becomes known by me and Michael I will be sure to pass it on.

Pep talk revamped...

So Monday my peep talk to myself was one day at a time. That since has had to change! Monday there was a quick scare that we were going to be delivering within the day. There was some question to to the health of my liver and with a headache on board, they were thinking that they were going to call it quits. After another round of blood tests that idea was put on the back burner and the main priority became managing the pain that I was experiencing due to the headache. Two days down with a horrible headache and now I sit here unsure of what is next. I feel like any time the door opens it could be news of delivery or of holding on longer. With the pain that I was experiencing the last two days my "medical and professional" opinion was to yank everything out... Uterus, baby, ovary, and the tie up any loose ends so there would be no chance of another pregnancy. The doctor yesterday didn't share in my opinion nor did she find it funny. I guess it was too early in the morning and I was on pain med hangover. Whatever the case is and was, here I sit... No new news and not sure what the latest lab results were. Hoping that my normal doctor is on call today so I can chat with her and get the straight story and see what the plan is going forward. Today I am twenty nine weeks and six days. Baby number three is an active little bugger, he gives the nurses a hard time when they try to getq him on the fetal monitors, which is entertaining for me and honestly a good thing for him, we know that he is a Kulow through and through! I will update as I know more, but until then enjoy the days before Christmas where ever you might be! Appreciation and love from our family to yours!

One day at a time

Today the realization that I have to take my lovely stay here to the Swedish one day at a time hit me hard this morning. Every day presents itself with something new. Today marks one week since my admittance and therefore, one day at a time will get me through the remaining stay. No matter how much I try to sleep in... That does not happen. I fall sleep around nine thirty and wake before six. I am sleeping soundly with the help of a chamomile pill, so I know my body is getting what it needs as far as quality but a longer time frame I think sometimes may help the days pass a little easier. Being the schedule person that I am I still ask the nurse every morning if there is anything on my schedule for the day, yesterday was blood draw so I think today is an "off" day where I don't have anything. I find myself looking forward to any chance of getting out of the room or having new news about baby or myself, not that it will really change the outlook of my stay here, but it is something to think about other than the long days. When it was confirmed that I would become a long term patient I was move from close to the nurse station to the other side of the hall, a nicer room most definitely and quieter and I appreciated it for the first few days, however there are times during the day that a little nurse chattering might be welcome.
Today Michael is going to try and work a full day and our neighbor is going to watch the boys. I am glad for Michael that he will be able to get out of the house and get some of his work done, I think his not working has really been weighing on him. I know that he has enjoyed being home with the boys but I think his need to do something else for a few days has been there since last Thursday. Michael has truly been a super hero during this time. Last night he called me as he was cleaning up the house and doing laundry, granted they have to get done, but he is doing it all and I have not heard any complaints... Well other than to say that the boys have too many clothes - to which I simply chuckled and said, there are weeks we go through a good portion of them. This stay, in just this week has given me such an appreciation for Michael! I am a blessed woman, there is no question in my mind. He truly is pulling all the weight of the family and holding it all together like a super hero... My super hero.

Great Day

Thankfully today was a great day! I got to visit with my boys for a long time today. The boys were not able to come and visit me yesterday as they were headed here for a visit Michael noticed that Zeke was looking a little pale and was not quite himself. Honestly we were thinking that it was a little bug, now today we are thinking that it was the stress of life finally catching up with him. A day of snuggling on the couch made things all better.
The boys got here at eleven and we played in my room for a while, watched a movie and then headed to the cafeteria for my one wheel chair ride a day. After lunch we came back to my room and Michael anticipated a quick fall asleep for Ki which turned into a screaming fight. Thankfully some friends showed up and the pace changed for Ki and he fell asleep right away while Zeke played with our visitors. Our friends left around three and then the boys and I napped in my bed and Michael played with my iPad. A good nap was had by me as I snuggled with Zeke and Ki.
Ah, truly a great day!

Reconnected

I guess one of the benefits of being on bed rest is that my blog posts will be more often... You may not all see that as a good thing. This girl can write. I never really thought of myself as a social person, that is until this past week. Being cut off from facebook and blogger was feeling like a life sentence. After a most generous gift from my husband of an iPad I am now reconnected with the world and feel somewhat liberated from the four walls of my new home for the coming twenty five days. Yep, desperation hit last night for us and we got out the calendar and started counting days.
Twenty five days... Let me just say that number is a scary one for our family. In the mere five days that I have been here I have faced one very dark day but also in that same day the blessings of my family overflowed. I am aware that there are going to be rough days, there are going to be days that I won't want to even open my eyes as it would be a reminder that I am here and not at home. There will be days that are good... Where things are going fine and I get to see more than these four walls. The next twenty five days are not a life sentence but a season. Maybe a season that our family of four grows and becomes closer to each other and to our Lord-I don't know if it could be anything less!
I have had many people encourage me to look at not the mass amount of days in a whole but as one day at a time. I understand the concept but when each day my three boys come and visit and I see the change that has taken place in them it is hard. The longest I have evert been away from my babies was two days and that was in August. Each day I see them they look more and more grown up. Zeke's language development is taking leaps and bounds with Michael's help. Even little Ki has started saying words. On Thursday, my dark day this week, the boys surprised me with a visit earlier than Michael had first told me. They came bearing gifts... A cleanly washed blanket from home still warm from the dryer, my pillow, and an iPad. Then we got to sneak down to the cafeteria for lunch. Zeke was full of stories and honestly Ki wanted nothing WTO do with me, he just wanted daddy. After lunch Ki had fulfilled his visit time and was done. We returned to my room Ki grabbed his jacket and then waved and said "bye,bye" for the first time. As you can imagine the tears came flowing. For many reasons... My baby Ki is talking and I am not there to witness it first, Zeke is growing up and is really being a big boy and helping Michael, and my husband has put on his Superman cape and it being the best and most supportive daddy and husband - I truly am a blessed woman!
So now for a little update on the reason why I am sitting here for the next twenty five days. Wednesday night I was put on strict bed rest and given some fabulously hideous leg massagers that I have to wear as I am to lay down all day long. Whenever I sit up my blood pressures soar. So here I lay. I am allowed to get up for the bathroom and allowed one wheelchair ride a day. Yes, my chart has that specific written in it... One wheel chair ride a day. Every two days my blood is drawn to check my labs. I am on an in and out fluid watch for kidney failures. Two times a week I have an ultrasound to check baby's growth and blood flow. Yesterday little guy had a few heart rate decelerations but thankfully for my peace of mind my ultrasound was right after those and I got to see him and he was doing fine. He even took a few fetal breaths which earned him an A+ from the doctor yesterday.
Yesterday morning my doctor came to check on me and I tried buttering her up before asking her what are my chances of going home and then returning for delivery. Needless to say she thought I was a comedian. I figured it was worth a try. I even thought maybe just maybe they would allow me a day out for Christmas but that was laughed off too. Oh well can't blame me for trying!

Thurday Dec. 16th Update

Here it is now Thursday morning in the wee hours and my mind is running...
I was informed that as of Monday, December 13 - Swedish Hospital will be my home for the coming weeks.  I have been put on strict bed rest with daily observation on baby number three.  Today, Thursday, December 16th I am currently 29 weeks pregnant.  Unless something drastic changes in my health or baby's health before January 6th I will be "resting" here.  My doctor has said that 32 weeks is our current goal for gestation and baring any major health changes we are set.
Please pray for my sanity!  Sitting in one place, indoors for the next three weeks is feeling like an insurmountable task. As of yesterday morning around 7am I was starting to go stir crazy so I found myself sitting in the rocking chair for a change of scenery!  Last night I was informed that sitting in the rocking chair is no longer allowed... laying on my back or side is the extent of my approved movements (and getting up to go to the bathroom).
Pray for our family during the Christmas season... we have decided that we will skip Christmas being that our boys are still young enough to maybe let it slide.  I think my husband is having a hard time swallowing not having me home for Christmas (which is something I have only begun to think about!).
Pray for this little one... (no name chosen yet).  Pray that the next three weeks of baking does him a lot of good and that his body can handle what lay ahead for him in the next month or two!  Last night I got a chance to tour the NICU which helped to elevate some of my stresses but the next three months will be a rough road for our little family.
Thank you for your prayers and concerns!

Staying at the Hotel Swedish

Guest post by Michael Kulow

Andrea is having tech/computer issues at Swedish Hospital and is not able to log in to post updates on the blog - and boy does she have some (news and updates that is).

Doctor this morning is going to recommend that Andrea stay in the hospital until delivery.  That's right - an all inclusive stay at the luxurious Swedish.  Got the room upgrade this morning and is having the tech crew come up to see about better internet service.  Room service for every meal, and the mono TV package rounds out this prize.

Since Andrea has been scaling the BP octaves like a Verdi opera and protein levels are not leveling, but rising; the powers that be are thinking a stay at the hospital is a good move.  That February birthday is looking like a long shot and a January baby isn't inspiring the odds makers in Vegas.

We will try and have more news posted as it becomes available.

News - well sorta

Well my hope last week was that I would be sending you a post informing you that my doctor's appointment went well and that everything was peachy keen!  Sunday thing started to take a turn for me - I got a headache that was really painful and was experiencing some considerable Braxton Hick's contractions.  Monday morning the pain just didn't seem to subside.  I took Zeke to his OT appointment in the morning and then on our way home started feeling more and more sick from the headache.  We stopped at the park so the boys could run - my thought was have them burn some energy and we will all lay down for a nap that afternoon.  Run they did as well as feed the ducks.  We got home and I fixed them lunch and then started monitoring my blood pressure and laying on my left side.  After about two hours of high bps I called my doctor.  I was seen in the office and then sent to the hospital where I currently am sitting!

I checked into the hospital yesterday afternoon around three and was given some percocet to try and help with the headache.  I was put on IVs for fluids and had blood drawn.  Yesterday was a very long day of battling the worst headache I have ever had and after another IV medicine I found some relieve around ten last night.  The doctor had a CT scan run on my head to make sure there was nothing funky going on and this morning at seven she informed me that the CT was clear.

The talk this morning with my doctor at seven was that I would finish my 24 hour stay today and would be on my way home with some meds for the headache.  She had a call into a neurologist to see what headache meds would be appropriate for the situation... pregnant and high blood pressure.  She told me that I would hear from her this afternoon after my results from the 24 hour urnine collection, upon discharge.

This is where things begin to change... I went to see the perinatal doctor (high risk) and have another ultrasound to check on baby, placenta and fluids.  While in the ultrasound the good news was that baby is putting on some fat, he had three little fat rolls on his tummy and one at the base of his neck!  My fluids were down a little from last week (Wednesday) and the blood flow to him was spotty.  The amount of flow ranged from normal to slightly restricted, meaning that out of the few readings there were some were the blood flow paused between his heart and the placenta.  The cause of this is partially due to my higher blood pressure.  The recommendation from the perinatologist is that I remain in the hospital for another 24 hour watch, more labs be drawn and evaluate from the labs drawn upon my admittance yesterday.  My levels of red blood, my liver counts were both slightly elevated from last Wednesday.

So that is where your prayers come in!  Please be praying for my body, for the baby, for our family and whatever lies ahead for the five of us in the coming days and weeks!

Anxious Heart and Mind

I think that the exhaustion of Wednesday has worn off and now I am left with the anxiety of what the coming days and weeks hold.  Wednesday and Thursday night I slept like a baby, now waking or stirring... tonight is another story.  I woke up at a quarter to one and here I sit an hour later and my mind will not stop racing.  I know that it is not healthy for me or for the baby, which then only gets the guilty conscience playing in my mind even more.
I think the biggest thing that I am thinking about right now is the logistical aspect of everything... When will my body be done carrying this little one?  Will it have been enough time?  If it is not enough time, what does that mean for him?  Will our lives be turned upside down with daily visits to the hospital to visit him in the NICU?  How big will he be?  Will I need to purchase premmie clothes?  Is it too soon to wash all the clothes and bedding here for him?  Do I need to purchase something for him specifically for him for the car seat or will he be okay in what we have... size and all?  As I am going through the clothes that I have from my two other babies what will his seasons be like - if he is born premmie will I be off on sizes for him?  At this stage in gestation, if he weighed two pounds and thirteen ounces on Wednesday what kind of weight gain will take place in the days and weeks ahead?  If I start eating more foods that are higher in fat, will be benefit or will I just blow up like a balloon? 
As you can see, it would be hard to sleep with all these questions bouncing around in your head!  Hoping that "airing" them will help me now find some sleep as the rest of my house slumbers peacefully.

Thought from the Chaos

Now that things have calmed down a little I thought I would share some of my crazy thoughts from the chaos of yesterday!

I was so glad that I took a shower... not only a shower but I took the time to shave and groom!

Crap - we better come up with a name for #3 soon.

I guess I better get all the baby clothes washed and ready sooner than I thought.

Maybe this year we skip Christmas... having to drag everything out just is not sounding so fun.

I guess there is a bigger reason for us not going to San Diego for Christmas - sure am glad that we didn't purchase tickets already!

I am feeling more and more confident about our choice to be done having babies... my body is just not able to do it any more.

Some more questions that I had were answered today too:

There is nothing I can do to change the protein in my urine... Michael thought that maybe if I cut protein out of my diet that might help - no such luck.

Delivering early does not mean that I have to have a C-section.  It is all situational... there is a good chance that I will still be able to deliver regularly.

Follow-up Appointment

As I had mentioned last night I would be returning to the hospital today for my follow-up appointment at which I would receive another two shots, blood work, fetal monitoring and blood pressure check.  I checked into the hospital at 2:20 and got everything taken care of really quickly.  Being that I am who I am all my labs are done stat!  So my blood pressure was actually down among the normally acceptable range (138/88).  Baby number three sounded great, heart beats were regular and steady.  Only had two contractions in the two hours of being hooked to the machine.  Got my two shots in my hinney and took them like a pro, however my left check is a little sore!  Got my blood drawn and didn't cry or faint!  The only problem arose when my 24 urine collection results came back.  I was getting ready to walk out of the room, the nurse had given me my discharge papers and then told me to go sit back down.  A call was made to my doctor.  Here I was again in limbo - I was heading home and now told to sit back down!  Apparently the threshold for protein in urine through the dip stick and actual lab results is different.  I was told yesterday that if my protein level rose to +2 that delivery would be immediate.  Now with the lab results I guess the protein threshold is 300 and I am 260 - close but not there yet.  My doctor said that I could go home.  So now I am home and my appointment is scheduled for next Tuesday and I guess I will know more then!  Each day is better and each week is awesome!

And yet again... Never Dull!

 Again the title fits this post to the “T”.  I had previously mentioned that I would be going in to the doctor for my 28 week check up.  I had a list of things that have been presenting themselves as a slight concern to me and was sure that after my appointment I would have some answers or at least peace of mind.  Peace of mind was not what I walked away from my appointment with…

I checked into my appointment on time and did the regular routine stuff, urine collection, weight and then blood pressure – and that was when things started to turn!  My blood pressure was a little high (143/92 – nothing I haven’t surpassed before!) and I started to explain some of my medical concerns, headache, swelling of hands, feet and face and the continuous Braxton hicks.  I was escorted to an examination room and told to lie on my left side and that the doctor would be with me shortly.  My doctor entered the room and she began questioning me further on some of my concerns, which led to another BP check, and then I was taking to the fetal monitoring room.  I was hooked up to fetal monitors and then informed that I was going to be admitted to the hospital.  WHAT?  I just was coming in for my regular appointment; I can’t be admitted into the hospital. 

After some talking through what was going on in her head she informed me that there was trace amounts of protein in my urine and she was concerned for mine and the baby’s well being and wanting to have me admitted for 24 hours fetal watch.  She explained that delivery could be a matter of days away but would like to hold off until 32 weeks if possible.  My doctor told me to go home get a bag packed and then head to the hospital where I would be given a steroid shot for the development of baby’s lungs for early delivery.

As you can imagine at this point my head is spinning and I am sure my blood pressure was sky high!  I made a call to Michael, who was at home with Ki waiting for the plumbers to return to our house and finish our lovely sewer issues.  Michael being the kind of person he is – said, “You are just trying to get out of being pregnant… we can’t have this baby at least until January!”  That would be the logical thinking – no duh!  So I went home - made a few calls, packed my bag and then we went and picked up Zeke from preschool. 

At noon I was admitted into the hospital.  Was told that I needed to gown up and everything would begin.  Being that the crud has been in our house Michael and I decided that it would be best for him to take the boys home and get then fed and napped and I would just update him as I got updates.  I was hooked up to fetal monitors – to which little boy’s heart sounds great!  I had blood drawn.  I was hooked up to the blood pressure machine to take my BP every thirty minutes.  I was told that urine would be kept and monitored for protein… anything more that +2 would indicate immediate delivery. 

At two I was taken to the perinatal department for consultation.  The team of doctors gave me an ultrasound, watched as I had a few contractions and then continued on with more testing.  After forty five minutes of being in limbo as to whether little number three was going to be delivered within the next few days… peace came!  The high risk doctor and team assured me that baby looks fine, his heart rate, development, and my internal body can sustain a few more weeks.  Phew… to the biggest danger of meeting number three in the coming week!  So our little peanut weighing in at 2 pounds 13 ounces will get to stay warm and cozy and continue his baking weeks hopefully!

Now here I sit waiting for my blood tests and a call from my doctor to see if by chance I might be able to go home tonight and just continue the urine collection on my own at home with a return tomorrow afternoon to drop off the sample, blood pressure check, another steroid shot and fetal monitoring…. While I was typing my doctor came into my room and informed me that I can go home tonight!  Yeah – although with sick little ones I know sleep will be less than optimum however being home will allow some good sleep – period. 

So the plan is weekly appointments with my doctor to check my blood pressure and baby through fetal monitoring and ultrasound.  If at any point my labs or BP are too elevated (above 150/95) delivery will become emanate.  My doctor’s orders are to take it easy and spend a lot of time just relaxing (I guess that goes back to my post about slowing down). 

The Title Fits... Never Dull

Where to begin???  Yesterday morning I went down to the basement to get some laundry and as I was coming up the stairs I looked at my water heater and saw something that just wasn't right.  Not that examining my water heater is a normal task of mine, but a smell drew me to look down.  To my surprise I saw toilet paper in the water heater tray... not the usual place for toilet paper and murky water.  I called Michael down from his office and he confirmed what I thought... sewer water.  A call to our property managers informed them of the problem.  A call to a plumber was made by them.  At 1:30 yesterday afternoon the plumber showed up, spent two hours snaking the lines and then left with not much of a word to us.  Not ten minutes after he left I get a call from our property manager asking if 8:30 worked for me for a camera.  I had no idea what he was talking about and agreed. 
This morning began a "Never Dull" moment that seems to often come to our family!  A plumber came with a camera to view all the lines to find out that all the settling that has been happening in our house has caused the foundation to fall on our outgoing sewer line.  After a few phone calls, hand shakes, and passing along of information... our house was going to be come a construction zone.  The remedy is to dig a hole in the front yard to be able to get to the depth of the break from the outside.  Support the house foundation with jacks.  Drill a ten inch hole in the foundation.  Replace ten feet of sewer line feeding it through the ten inch hole to make sure that this problem never happens again.
So after nap time today our house became a place for boys.  Zeke and Ki perched themselves in front of our bay windows and watched as the backhoe did it's magic.  Those two boys sat there for a good almost two hours (free entertainment) and watched as a crew dug down to the basement level. 

The crew that was here today for four hours left... a huge hole in the front yard and will be back tomorrow morning.  The work to be done tomorrow will be the stuff that is all inside the house in the basement. 
While the agreements were taking place this morning between the plumber, our property manager and our landlord in regards to the work needing to be done our landlord was talking with me.  It looks like for our troubles of having to deal with this I might get new carpet in the basement and my house carpets cleaned - yeah! 

Random Ramblings

There has been a lot on my mind lately and I have not taken the time to sit down and process it all... being that the crud has once again caught our house I spent yesterday thinking and again this morning.  Not everything will flow, so excuse me for that... this is more a means of me processing everything "out loud".
I am so sick of being sick or having my family sick.  No matter how much I clean my house and make sure that things are taken care of they still get sick.  I realize that most of the germs that we get are from going to school, church, MOPS, the pool, the park, the grocery store... the list could go on and on.  I wish there was some way to make it so that my family does not have to ever get sick!  But I guess I would be in the same boat with just about every other mom.
Michael has been working like a crazy lately.  I feel so bad for him, because not only is he working long hours but he too has been battling the crud.  I know that once the weather changes that he will be home more.  I think there is a part of him that can't wait for some snow so that he can take it easy a little.
As you remember a few months ago I went back and forth as to what Michael and I were supposed to do for Zeke and his schooling so that he would be able to receive speech therapy.  Now here we are three months out from our decision and I am questioning if we did the right thing.  We moved Zeke to a local public preschool where he was to receive speech therapy... I have not seen many improvements in this area.  When I ask the therapist about what we need to do at home or what is being done at the school, I feel like I am being appeased with the answer of, "He is doing fine, he is interacting well."  Interactions was not what we were concerned about... the kid will talk anyone's ear off - but him being understood is another story.  Please pray for Michael and I as we are considering moving him back to Foothills at the semester change and then trying to pay for private therapy so that the services are more purposeful and direct.
On the same note of speech therapy... Ki is doing great!  I am so impressed with him.  Ki has been receiving in home speech therapy services for four sessions now and he is making huge improvements.  He is now babbling of which he never has done before.  It is almost as if the whole world has been opened to him anew.  He is more social in his interactions, he is saying "Hi" to complete strangers of which he used to shy away from.  It is so neat to see the power of words has had on him.
As you can see I changed my background for my blog.  I loved my blue and green but decided that I needed a little change... I was getting bored with the same old.
Zeke has been talking about a dog a lot lately.  He tells be every day what his dog is going to look like and do.  I feel bad because I know how badly he wants a dog... we just can't have one in our rental.  That brings me to the even deeper desire to have our own house.  Michael says that for us to have a dog he wants to have at least three acres - to which I agree!  So our house requirements continues to grow the longer we live in our current house.  This week I had to drop off our rent check and the property manager asked me when we would be looking for a house to buy - a glance at my belly, he said, "Soon I assume!"  To which I said probably fall of next year - I hope!
So that brings me to our house requirements...
Four bedroom / Three Bath
Two Car Garage
Full, Open, Walk-out Basement
Three + Acres
Preferably not a tri-level house... I am not a fan of all the stairs, from a walking up and down them and a heating the house aspect.
This week I have two baby appointments... On Monday one of our friends is going to let me come into her office and get 3D ultrasound pictures taken and then on Wednesday I have my 28 week check up.  I have to say I am a little nervous about my appointment from the aspect that I have been experiencing some unsettling symptoms.  Within the last week I have had some considerable swelling in my hands and feet as well as I have had a headache that will not go away.  These are preeclampsia symptoms and since I had it with Zeke I am a little more aware of them now.  I am hoping that at my appointment they will over rule my concerns!
I think that just about covers all that I have had on my mind!  Now to spend the rest of the day picking up the house and then laying around with my boys.

Slow Down?

Just this week Michael asked me, "Honey, do you ever slow down?  Even when you sleep you breath heavy and you twitch all over the place."  To his what seemed like an innocent question I answered very simply, "No."  I laughed it off and that got me thinking... do I ever slow down?  I know that my body shuts down or hits a wall around nine or ten at night but do I actually slow down when that happens... no!  Even my dreams are fast paced and sporadic.  Tonight is one of those nights where sleep eluded me for some time and once it did find me it did not knock me out but just came in the form of a four hour power nap and now here I sit.  All the boys in the house are sound asleep and here I am tapping away on the computer.  Sure I would like to be sleeping warm and snug in my bed but after forty five minutes of tossing and turning trying to find sleep again I realized that I was fighting a loosing battle, the more I moved the more things I started thinking about, the more things I started thinking about the less I thought about sleeping and the more I thought about just getting up and starting my day.  Geesh! 
Michael's question has rumbled around in my head for the last few days and his solution was visualization.  He said that he can slow his heart rate down and thus decreasing this breathing and allowing himself to shut down parts of his body and mind.  My thought is... maybe that is a guy thing?  I have never been able to slow down, I just go and go until I hit a wall of exhaustion and I get the sleep that I need and then I am back up and doing it all over again the next day... same stuff just a different day.  I am not sure if I have only been like this since becoming a wife and mom, as that season seems to have taken over all of my existence at times, or if I have just always been this way? 
So here is to December 2nd at 3:30am!  I minds as well start it out now rather than lay in bed in frustration.

Christmas Wish List 2010

So last year I wrote up my Christmas Wish List and I got all but one thing on the list... granted not for Christmas but in this past year.  Maybe writing up a wish list isn't all that silly after all!  For my birthday last year I found myself a Boba, which in my opinion is better than an Ergo because it is made here in Colorado.  Then for my anniversary/birthday this year Michael bought me a Kitchen Aid.  So the only thing missing is the camera.  I am partially hoping that Santa brings my sister Alycia a new camera so that her old one can be passed on!  Hehehehe.
I have been asked by a few people what it is that I am wanting for my birthday and Christmas.  To their question I have not had an answer.  The only thing that comes to mind is not really a particular item as more just time...
I would love to have my best friend Sarah come out and visit me.  We have not seen each other since she got married, that was three years ago this summer.  So from Sarah, a good long visit which would include us sitting and chatting over a cup of tea would be the most glorious gift of all! 
From my husband, I would love to have a weekend (and a whole weekend is not even required, maybe just a whole day) where he and I can get away and just be the two of us.  Away from the house chores, away from the boy chaos and just spend some time talking, or just being quiet holding hands or snuggling. 
From my parents I would love a visit with the two of them, here or there in San Diego.  I would love for them to be able to tag team play with the boys and I could sit back and enjoy them, enjoying my two characters - thing one and thing two.
From my Grandma Betty, I would love to extract from her a portion of her sewing ability... yeah I know that one is a hard one!  When we girls were younger she tried to teach us, bless her patience!  I always found it much easier to give her the sewing project and watch her fingers quickly work their magic rather than spend hours myself trying to do what she could whip out in an hour! 
To everyone else... Grandpa Dion and Grandma Patti, Brian and the Hedrick family, Great Grandma Talone, Grandma Cawne, Sheila, Mike and Christina, Uncle Greggy, Missi, my sisters, and anyone else... to see your smiling face in my house and give you a big hug.  Now that wish I know is far fetched but why not wish for the stars?
As far as purchasable items... there really is not anything.  I feel totally blessed with everything that I have!  The one thing that does come to mind is my desire to stretch my creative fingers that have been laying dormant for the last few years.  I asked my mom if she could find the sewing machine that has been long packed away and the quilting tools and send them my way so that when I get a chance I could do that.  Those are things that I have but are just packed away.  Whenever I enter Hobby Lobby (the craft store) I feel like I could spend hours in there - that has become my sanctuary!  I will go there and walk the aisles and not buy anything but just dream of all the projects that I could do.  So I guess anything that would allow me to be creative... I don't know how to do much but just feeling like I need to do something with my desires!

High School Diets

This afternoon I had to run to the bank and it just so happened that the time that I was leaving for the bank was the same time as many of the local high schoolers were returning to school with their lunches in hand.  Here in Littleton the high school campuses are open, unlike in San Diego.  So as I was driving by the high school I saw many kids walking back to the campus with their hands full of their lunches.  As I was driving I was in awe at what they were eating... I saw kids with Starbucks, donuts, McDonald's, Wendy's, large bags of chips oh and to top it all off cigarettes.  Granted I am not condemning them for what they are eating as I was just as guilty, my high school menu consisted of breakfast of a bear claw at the local donut store, a bag of either purple or blue skittles for lunch and after school I would have a large plate of nachos and occasionally I would eat dinner.  The one thing that struck me as I was watching the parade of poor eating habits, was I am amazed that kids actually grow up and are somewhat healthy... look at me, I am not four hundred pounds, and I choose to eat my veggies and fruits - it took living through the high school years to get me to this point, perhaps!  Regardless of how we raise our kids they will get to high school and will eat crap!  Even though in our house our boys rarely have sweets and usually eat fruit for snacks I know that there will come a time that they too will eat donuts for lunch and nachos for dinner - I guess until that happens hopefully I have filled their stomachs with enough "good" food that the "bad" food will just wash through them.

28 Years Old

Yep, that's right - I am now 28 years old.  For my birthday I did nothing... and I loved it!  I woke up later that usual because my boys let me sleep in.  Zeke made me a noodle necklace that I wore all day.  Ki had speech therapy.  While Ki had ST Michael took Zeke to the mall to look at puppies and get me a little treat.  When they got back we all shared me Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory caramel apple dipped in Oreo crumbs.  Then the boys played outside while I sat and ate a quiet leftover lunch.  Then  the boys and I curled up on my bed read a few books and then took a huge nap.  After nap we snuggled on the couch and watched movies.  Yep - that is how a mommy brings in her 28th birthday.  I feel silly telling people that ask how my birthday was, because I simply did the normal things in my daily life but just did then one year older... the nap being the highlight of my day.  So here is to being twenty eight years old - cheers and snooze!

Words

This past week has been full of little word mile stones for Ki.  Within the last week he has been a lot more vocal and has been making word noises that are understandable to myself and Michael.  With in the last two days he has managed to say a few words and each time he says them I feel tears fill my eyes.  The words themselves are not a huge deal, but the simple fact that my little Ki guy who is 19 months is now making noise and vocalizing words that I understand makes my mommy heart jump.  Ki has just about mastered the words "Let go" which are very powerful words, he has used them in context correctly and when he says it he does so with an authority that makes me smile.  Just today he said apple and turkey... not big deals but not only did I understand him but Michael did as well.  He has also begun calling himself "Ki guy" which is really cute because he saw his reflection in the mirror and said his name.  Another neat one for Michael was this afternoon I was taking Ki up stairs to get his diaper changed and Ki yelled out "Hi da-da" as we passed him.  Little by little Ki is getting there and it is such a neat blessing to see.  My baby is growing up and becoming his own little person and now with words it makes it all the more real! 

Thankful

In this season of Thanksgiving I have found myself in a place of being totally thankful for my friends.  In the two plus years that Michael and I have been living here in Colorado I have made some awesome friends.  Without these people I am not sure I could have survived here.  Colorado, not being my home state... no friends or family here, made the move a huge impossibility in my mind.  God being the author of all things good has shown me that I am right where He wants me.  The reason I know this truth in the bottom of my soul is because of the blessings that He has given to me in this season. 
When Michael and I moved to Colorado in July of 2008 I came kicking and fighting.  I felt like I was being taken from everything that was good and right to move to a foreign place and sequestered to a life of lonely motherhood.  So not the truth!  Within the last year I have made some awesome friends, through connections Michael had here with his friends from years past, through MOPS, through church and through playgroups.  It took me stepping out of my comfort zone and putting myself out there, but it has truly paid off.  After the first few months of living here in Colorado I realized that with Michael's crazy work schedule and my life surrounded around Zeke I needed to get out and meet other women.  My conversations had to consist of more than, "No" Don't touch", with Zeke and I had to have my needs met because I was miserable.  I joined MOPS as well as Mother's & More knowing that friends were not going to be knocking on my door to find me, so I was on the search for them. 
A year of getting out paid off, this summer I felt like I had finally made connections.  I have been blessed with a few women that I feel like I could call up and share my frustrations with and they totally get me.  I have been blessed by the outpouring of donations for my boys in the clothing department.  I have been blessed by a few women that I know are praying for me and are there to receive a text or a call of a needed prayer. 
God truly is good!  This year's MOPS theme is "Even there" taken from Psalm 139 and that rings so true in my heart.  Even when I thought that the move to Colorado would destroy me, it has been the opposite.  I have been more blessed than I could imagine.  I have grown closer to my husband, blessed with two boys and one more to come, and blown away by the women that God has brought into my life... some for a short season and some for a lifetime. 

Score!

Two very cool things have just happened...
About a month ago my car was having battery troubles (don't know if you remember) I spent a few hours at the dealership getting it fixed.  Thankfully it was under warranty so it was fixed free of charge to us, good thing too because the total bill was $210.  Yesterday I went and checked the mail and there was a check from the dealership for $100 for our troubles in dealing with the recall.  Michael said that I could have the money for my troubles of sitting in the dealership for a few hours during nap time with the boys.  SCORE!
Last week I got a letter in the mail from Kaiser (the insurance that covers the boys) for a referral for Ki.  The letter did not say what the referral was for.  The letter got shuffled under another pile of papers and I didn't pay any attention to it.  Today I was cleaning up a little and re-found the letter.  I made a call to Kaiser to see what the letter was for and come to find out, Ki has been approved for Speech Therapy through insurance.  So not only was Ki accepted for speech therapy through Child Find/Early Intervention but our insurance has said they too will pay for a therapist for him.  I am so excited about this, my hope is that between the two therapists that we might be able to get Ki on track and therefore eliminating his need to attend a public preschool.  SCORE!

Discombobulated

I am not sure if discombobulated is a word or not but that is how I have been feeling lately.  I think between the hormones and the early day darkness I have not been quite the same.  Last week was the roughest, I felt like everything was out of whack and I could just not get myself normal.  One thing that stuck with me from last week was something that a lady said at Bible study... live a life with zero expectations so that you don't spend your time being constantly disappointed.  Being the person that I am that really rocked my world. 
So Friday I thought I would give it a try.  Friday was mine and Michael's anniversary and I had earlier in the week asked Michael if we could make plans to go out and spend some time together without the boys and he simply said no.  I was super bummed about it and spend most of the week feeling bad for myself.  With the comment that was made on Thursday at Bible study I tried to put on my big girl panties and get over it.  Friday the boys and I spent the day as usual.  When the boys napped that day I chose not to nap and take a shower and try and make the best of my time by myself.  Once the boys woke up from their naps we had to leave so that I could make a chiropractic appointment.  I got myself snapped, crackled and popped and then headed home to make dinner for the family on what I had hoped would be a special night out just me and my husband of four years.  Upon my arrival home I see that Michael was home already and as I walk in the door I see Michael standing in the kitchen dressed nicely (differing from his usual night time attire of jammies) making dinner.  He looks at me and tells me to go upstairs and get ready because the baby sitter would be there in a few minutes.  As it turned out Michael had gotten a sitter for the boys and planned on taking me out to dinner.  We had a very nice night, just the two of us at dinner (although the whole Friday night dinner thing was so foreign to us that we drove around for a while trying to find a place with a wait shorter than an hour). 
Zero expectations I guess is something that maybe I should live by a little more often!  My Saturday was spent with Ki in the emergency room.  Sunday was spent recovering from Saturday.  Monday was spent trying to clean up from the weekend.  Finally Tuesday was one of those days where life seemed to have righted itself.  The boys and I headed to a local park and we played for a few hours.  We fed ducks, rode bikes, played on the playground and just had a great day.  At one point as I sat on the grass watching Zeke and Ki play on the playground I was blessed to have the movements of number three to feel.  This is a huge thing, because here I am 25 weeks along and have barely felt the movements of this little guy.  So to sit at the park and watch Zeke and Ki and feel number three moving inside me made me feel like one of the most blessed ever. 
So here I am nearing the end of another week and although I am still a little more weepy than I would like to admit I know that things are working out well and that life is not spinning out of control.  So here is to another week down and another week on the horizon!

How to, follow up...

One thing I love about the internet is having everything right at my finger tips... the one thing that I do not like is that everything is right at my finger tips and I am not sure of the validity of the information.  So this is what I have found but then again I wish I knew if the information is the best out there and if it is tested and true...

Vinegar the all purpose cleaner

Dryer Sheet Alternatives

How to

The last few days have been full of times that I have said to myself... "I wish I knew how to..."  Thus that brings me to this post.  Maybe you have some of the answers!

How to I clean my washing machine without using bleach?  I have been trying to rid my house of bleach products and now need to know how to do that.  I have heard of vinegar... but the amount and such still somewhat eludes me being that I have a front loading machine.

How do I strip my cloth diapers?  After a horrible diaper rash phase with Ki I have completely put the cloth diapers on the shelf and am using disposables.  Ki's little bottom erupts into a horrible red bumped up rash which leads to bleeding.  After some researching I am realized that maybe I need to "strip" my cloth diapers.  Hoping that stripping will help with the diaper rashes, the lack of absorbency and the ammonia smell that occurs after he urinates. 

How do I clean my dryer?  Yeah I know cleaning the lint trap with warm soapy water but how do I clean the inside of my dryer?  (This has come about as a result of needing to strip my diapers... I was told that if I use fabric softeners for my other clothes that maybe the wax in my dryer is building up on my cloth diapers causing the previously mentioned issues.)  I read somewhere that using heavy duty aluminum balled up will clean up the inside of the dryer from the waxy build up as well as I can use it on a regular basis to help rid my clothes of static cling... replacing the need to dryer sheets (granted that is going to take away the smell factor that drives my need to use liquid fabric softener and dryer sheets - not sure if I am ready for that one!).

How do I get those metal stretches off my white sink?  Whenever I wash my cookie sheets they scratch my sink and leave a metal gray smear on it... I have tried scrubbing it but it just does not give.

I have looked things up on the internet but some of the stuff I am not sure if I want to be the first to try it and take the chance of ruining my household items!

Wednesday's Mind Wonderings

Some thoughts that have been running through my mind today...
Why when I begin thinking about getting my hair cut do I begin having good hair days?  Very frustrating!  The last time my hair was cut was for my sister's wedding in December.  It is in need of some grooming but I am afraid that someone will not know what they are doing and I will end up with a hack job.
My computer has been running really slow and so it led to this thought: If one year equals seven in dog years what is it for computers?  I am thinking that it must be about the same!  My computer will be four years old this Christmas but it sure acts a heck of a lot older.
I have been feeling the "pressure" to make Christmas cards.  I know that must sound absurd and it probably is, but the thought will not leave me alone.  I keep hoping that if I don't mind that little voice inside of me that time will pass and so will the thought!
So many of my friends have been making quilts and cute little sewn gifts and the more and more I see of their creations I am feeling the creative itch myself.  I think the bottom line is I am in need of some creative outlet and I have not given myself the time or money for it - I am afraid if I keep ignoring it I will loose all sense of creativity that I know is inside of me... somewhere.
Today I had my 24 week doctor appointment and I asked about what a tubal would look like, as far as time for the actual surgery, recovery and such.  This has been something that has been weighing on my mind for a while now and I am glad to finally have some answers.  Twenty four hours post delivery I will be taken to OR for a surgery that will last no longer than an hour and I will most likely be put under for the surgery.  My actual hospital stay will be a day longer and my recovery time will be one week.  Not bad - but more than I was thinking... so I will spend the next fourteen weeks wrapping my head around that.
Last week was Ki's first speech therapy and today was his second.  I am enjoying seeing my little man make some big strides toward a language world.  This past week we have been working on the sign for "more" and he did a good job implementing that today.  This week we are going to work on the signs for "help" and "open" as well as continue with "more".  One thing the SLP said today is how amazed she is with Ki's ability to stick to a task and see it through.  I simply laughed and said that is one task that he has inherited from both sides and it is also something that can be rather frustrating at times!
In the last two weeks I have become very lazy on making dinners... there are a few reasons playing in that - the first being that by the time dinner comes around I am not hungry and therefore the thought of cooking is draining to me as well as recently Ki has decided that he does not like dinner.  Regardless of what I make it is a battle to get him to eat at dinner time.  The battle begins with the first bite and by the time I get a handful of bites in him he has decided to vomit up whatever he has eaten.  The first two times this happened I thought maybe he was feeling ill but since it has become almost a nightly routine I have realized that he just could care less for dinner.  It is hard for me to recover from his vomiting to try and enjoy my meal which usually means that I spend my dinner time cleaning up the mess and getting him showered.  So dinners are at this current time on hold in the Kulow house.
Well I think that just about covers all the mind wonderings for this Wednesday.  Michael so graciously took Zeke with him this afternoon so that Ki could have his speech without any distractions which means that all I have in the house right now is a sleeping Ki... so I think I might go and try to join him for a little shut eye.

Feeling Blessed

Today was one of those days that I have been hit with how truly blessed I am!  I love my life, my husband and my boys.  I am married to a man that over our nearly four years of marriage has become my best friend.  I have two wonderful boys, they know how to push me to the edge of insanity and then between their smiles and hugs remind me of why I love being a mom.  I have the best job in the world, all because my husband works so hard to allow me this wonderful job.  I have the awesome privilege to be a part of a great church with a group of women that truly have become my friends at a time when I thought I was all alone.  We live in a nice home in a great neighborhood with good neighbors.  Honestly what more could a woman ask for?  Granted I know that my wish list of things grows on a regular basis but for today I will relish in the peace and gratefulness that I am feeling.

Convicted of Family Time

Today at MOPS one of the speakers was talking about a typical family week.  After hearing what he had to say I found myself being very convicted.  I realized that I am not taking full advantage of of week with my boys.

There are 168 Hours in a week

A typical child watches 28 hours of television in a week

(My boys only watch maybe 6 hours a week)

A typical child is in school for 40 hours a week

(Zeke is in school for 5 hours a week)

A typical child plays with his/her friends 25 hours a week

(We are less at this point due to age, but if I count play groups, MOPS and Bible Study days we are at 8 hours a week)

A typical child (age 1-12) sleep about 77 hours a week

(My boys get about 80 hours a week of sleep, that is between naps and night time)

A church service lasts 1.5 hours

What are we as parents doing about our children's spiritual development with those remaining hours?  Dropping them off at church once a week for 1.5 hours is not going to cut it.

A sickening statistic that of the children that grew up in the church (going on a weekly basis) once they have the choice to come or not 85% choose not.

Pretty startling numbers I thought, so I took some time this evening to actually look up the statistics and I found the same numbers that the guy quoted.   

Here are some of the verses that the Family Time guy quoted:

Philippians 2:12 "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

Deuteronomy 6:7 "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

 Psalm 78:5 "The Lord commanded our forefathers to teach their children the law, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children."

Now the question is what am I going to do with the information that I have been given.  To be honest I am not sure, I pray that I begin making strides to bring about changes in the time that we as a family devote to spiritual things.  I know the tools are out there for me so it is now a matter of me taking them, implementing them and then continuing to use them even when life gets busy and other things crowd my 168 hours a week.

Schedule

Not that this is going to come as much as a surprise for anyone that knows me but I am a schedule person!  I cannot function if my schedule is not fulfilled and in the manner in which I pre-planned it.  So needless to say when things are off I find myself being very grumpy.  I am not a minute by minute scheduler but I do have my morning routines and I have my afternoon routines followed by my night time routines.  If one of those does not go as planned then I am off kilter.
My mornings are usually spent doing a variety of things, the contents of that time frame from wake up until noon varies from day to day.  Around noon the house starts to calm down, lunch is made and eaten and then the boys and I head to my room for bathroom/diaper changes and then lay down for book time followed by nap time.  The amount of time for any given nap day can range from an hour to three.  The remaining of the afternoon is spent with the boys playing around the house (backyard, basement, or front living room) and I am usually getting emails done and preparing for dinner.  It is my every day aim to have dinner ready between 5:30 and 6pm and we all sit down as a family for dinner.  Dinner time is used for Michael and I try to catch up on our days and then talk with the boys about their days.  After dinner is done I clean up the kitchen.  Once dinner is cleaned up from (usually around 7pm) I take the boys upstairs and get them showered.  From post shower time the boys play quietly while Michael finishes his daily paper and emails in his office and I get the house tidied up from the day.  We will either all sit down as a family and watch some television or send the boys to bed and Michael and I will watch some of our recorded shows.  And then the day begins all over again the next morning.
Predictable... yes, but I like it that way.  It allows me some control over my life with two very rambunctious boys - I feel like there is something that I can always hold to.  Having such a predictable day also helps me cope when Michael has to leave for work for a few days.  Knowing that everything will still run... with or with out him gives me comfort as well. 
Now with all of that said - on days that my boys buck my comfort schedule and think they run the house I find myself banging my head against the wall, I feel out of control and like they have taken hold of my helm!  Today is one of those days! 
Everything was fine until the decided that they were not going to nap.  Granted everything was off a little to start off with... I had to run the rent check to the property managers office so our time that we would have been laying down post lunch was spent in the car.  I thought that would still be fine, they could fall asleep in the car and then I would move them into the house post the drive - Um no!  We got back from our drive and they were wound up.  I took the upstairs to try and regain the control of our afternoon and it was lost.  Five books read and twenty minutes of laying there trying to get them to go to sleep ended in me getting frustrated and calling it quits.  I think in my admitting defeat in the nap portion of our day has given them the chance to run me ragged.  I think they (both of them are in on it) realize that they got the best of me earlier and they are seeking to get the best of me for the remainder of the afternoon.  I know that once Michael gets home he will make a comment about my lack of control on them and I can sense tears will be closely follow a possible comment - so let's hope that something changes in the next hour or two for me emotional well being.  I am off to try and regain control... I am mom hear me roar (unfortunately our neighbors have been hearing my roars since two this afternoon!).

Dreams

This morning was the very first time that Zeke woke up and recalled his dream.  It was the funniest thing!  Zeke came running into my room this morning saying that there was a wolf (aka the kind of dog that Michael wants) in there and he was playing with him.  Zeke crawled up into bed with me and continued to ask me where that wolf went, because they were just playing together and now he can't find him.  After a while of laying in bed and snuggling the boys and I got up to start our morning.  I noticed that Zeke had lost a sock in the middle of the night and I asked him about where it was.  Zeke said that wolf took it off and was playing with it. 
I have to say that was the neatest moment for me to witness and for Zeke to now realize about the dream world.  I don't think that still to this time (now almost bedtime again) knows that it was just a dream because he has asked me a few times where that wolf is.  I am excited for Zeke as he now enters the new world of dreams!

Feeling Kinda Blue

I think the weather got to me today.  Not that it is bad but for some reason I woke up this morning feeling a little blue.  When I was thinking about how I was feeling kind of off I remembered a Veggie Tale song and thought I would share...
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A Terrific Two-sday

This morning I got to sleep in because my TWO boys decided to sleep in until 7:30am

After fixing TWO waffles my TWO boys played around the house for a while

At 10am my TWO boys and I drove the TWO minutes to the pool

We entered the Ridge pool for TWO dollars each

My TWO little boys swam for TWO hours

After myself and my TWO boys got dressed we drove the TWO minutes back home

I made TWO peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for TWO very hungry little fishies

Then my TWO little full and tired boys crawled into my bed

I read TWO stories each for my TWO little boys

My TWO arms wrapped around my TWO boys for a relaxing TWO hour nap

Now my TWO boys are playing with their TWO Lego boxes and I am marveling at what a 

Terrific TWO-sday me and my TWO boys have had

Quick Thought Stop

One of my friends said at her bridal shower, "You are not a real wife unless you have a Kitchen Aid."  Well I am now an official wife - Michael bought me a new Kitchen Aid for our four year anniversary.  I guess it took me four years to show Michael that I am a real wife.  LOL
I think I had mentioned before that our dishwasher had died... well yesterday our landlord had called about something else and while I had her on the phone I had said something about this "death" in the house and she said that she would take care of it.  An hour later I got a call from the appliance company saying that they will be over this morning to replace my old dishwasher.  I cannot even begin to express how happy I am about that!
Fall has officially littered all over my yard.  It looks like a fall party outside - there is red, green, yellow, gold and orange confetti all over the place.  Not to mention the yard toys, chairs and tables have been strewn about as well... we have had some crazy windy days and everything is everywhere. 
Operation paci be gone has been a huge success.  I was a little worried about it but it has not been as rough as I was anticipating - thank heavens!  Ki is still waking up at night but not anymore than he was with his paci.  Nap times are down to just one nap time in the afternoon and that is fine with me, one big nap versus two small naps is A-OKAY!
Since our move into this house two years and a few months ago we have been little by little doing things to make this house our home... paint, pictures, and the yard.  Yesterday was the first time that I had ever had a group of people over that are not close friends but just acquaintances and after they left I felt like I had been pat on my back!  Almost everyone of them commented on what a nice home we have and just how homey it is.  I really needed that as a woman and a wife - it is hard sometimes when I look around at what every one else has and wish for that.  It was really nice to have "outsiders" comment on the comfy feel of my home.  I guess all the work is paid off.  I am sure that Michael will be pleased with that as well... maybe he might be "off" on some of the house projects that I have been listing out for the past few months.  Hehehehe!

A Mommy's Job Is Never Done

Oh how true that statement is!  Yesterday at MOPS we talked about the characteristic of resiliency and how it is key to motherhood.  I chimed in and said without it one might go crazy!  Yep - that is me today.  Going crazy. 
I just did all the laundry on Sunday/Monday... six loads and here I am on Friday and I have done so far four loads and I have two more to do.  How is that possible?  Granted I am doing duvets and sheets today, that is normally a Monday job but I didn't get to them so they got pushed off until today - however sakes alive!  I feel like no matter how on top of laundry I am there is always piles to be done.  The getting it from the top level to the basement and then separated feels like a huge task.  After it is separated then getting each load washed and folded is the next hurtle.  However by far the most difficult task is getting the clean clothes off the folding table, into laundry baskets, up to the top floor and put away in the closets.  UGH! 
Today as I sit in the basement while the boys play and I am feverishly getting laundry done I am looking over the boys play area realizing that I need to do something with all the toys.  For whatever reason my boys think that to play down in the basement every toy box needs to be emptied and laying strewn on the floor.  I find myself picking up toys the entire time they are down here trying to keep some sort of order.  Yes, I realize that I should just sit back and relax but that is a skill that I am still trying to learn.  So until then I am thinking that I need to make a trip to Home Depot to get a clothes rack for the dress up clothes, a full length mirror to make a dress up area in the room and then maybe one or two boxes to pack up some of the toys that are not really played with so that I can hide them. 
It has been a week and counting since my dishwasher has died a very painful loss in the house - as far as I am concerned... oh yeah and my hands are concerned too!  My dishwasher has been dying a slow and long death... the dishes have been coming out dirtier and dirtier.  Last weekend I thought I would give it one last try, so I cleaned it out entirely and gave it a bleach spin only with no dishes.  Then on Monday we had a friend over for dinner and rather than hand washing all those dishes I thought... one last try to show me what it could do.  Needless to say Tuesday when I ran the machine and got the dishes out I was sorely disappointed!  My pre-wahsed dishes were dirtier then when they went into the darn thing.  How can that be?  I have scoured the entire machine trying to find a clean out spot and have found none.  I sent an email to our property manager on Sunday night and have heard nothing from them about this tragic loss in our house!  My hands are so stinking dry and cracking from all the hand washing and dish washing and I cannot wait until I hear back from the property manager - and I am hoping when I do hear back it will be to say that they are headed over to replace my dishwasher!
Well, as I have written about the fact that my job is never done the basement has gotten pretty messy and my dryer just informed me that it needs to be emptied and the clothes folded.  Maybe after that I will get the boys down for a nap and sneak a little one myself!

Good Intentions

You know those people that just ooze friendliness/thoughtfulness... the ones that see you in the hall and stop to ask very specific questions about your life/day, or the ones that send you little notes in the mail to just say "hi", or the ones that purchase little thinking of your gifts out of the blue.  Well - I don't fit into any of those categories!  I really try to - I think about it and then the thought passes and before I know it I have moved on and forgotten my good intention with the unexpected aspects of life.  I hate that, trust me it is in there but I have very little time to actually make that a priority.  I guess coming home from a MOPS morning and being around other moms that have those characteristics and actually act on them makes me more aware of the value that they bring to life - both the giver and the receiver's.  As of late my mind has been consumed with people that have been on my mind and I am going to try to make a conscience effort to let them know that they are being thought about and prayed for!  So if you get a card, email, call or gift from me know that you have been on my mind alot!  Granted I know that it will take some time to make this a priority characteristic... so with that said, if you don't get something don't think that you have been wiped from my mind - I am a work in progress!

Paci Be Gone

Yesterday I made the executive decision that the Paci would be no more in our house.  Why?  The last week Ki has been waking up four and five times at night because he has lost his paci and can't find it.  I have been getting up with him to search for the paci and then get him back to sleep.  My thought was - I am already getting up a bunch to try and get him back to sleep, what is going to be the difference if he has a paci or not.  Yesterday was a rough day!  He only napped for forty minutes and woke up crying because he did not have his paci.  Last night he struggled around for a good hour trying to fall asleep and kept pointing to his mouth and trying to pull me to the place where the pacis were stored.  After a good fight he fell asleep... through the entire night!  Granted it might be due to the fact that he was so tired from such a short nap but he slept through the night last night.  So we have begun the what I feared would be a very long week or two... however that might not be the case!?!?!  Wish me luck... and patience!

UGH!

No better "word" describes my day.  Let me first say that I am totally thankful that the day is just about done... Ki is asleep already and Zeke's blinks are getting longer and longer, which in trade means I can go to bed soon as well. 
It all began this morning - not first thing but around 8:38am, to be specific!  My morning was going really well actually.  I woke up around six this morning and both my boys were still sleeping so I jumped in the shower.  Michael left for a two day work trip at 6:30 and Ki woke up around then as well.  Zeke went down stairs and laid on the couch.  The boys and I enjoyed some fresh fruit and muffins for breakfast and then we got dressed and headed out for our day.  This morning was my first morning for bible study.  I got the boys loaded in the car and then got in the front seat for myself, I turned the key to start the car to no avail.  Three tries and nothing!  Ugh!
After an attempted call to my husband I tried calling two friends.  At the same time as I was making my calls of desperation my neighbor was pulling out to take her son to school.  I asked her if she could give me a jump, to which she said that she could but that she would have to get her son to school first and then she would help.  She returned from dropping off her son and pulled her car back into her garage and closed the door and she was no where to be found!  Another call of desperation to a friend who agreed to drive to my house and help me and a call to my dad to make sure I would know how to use jumper cables when my friend got here.  By this time it is already 9:15 and I am now late for bible study (being late is a huge pet peeve of mine) and still no power to my car.  As I am getting ready to call it quits and head in the house and call it a day my neighbor walks out of her house with a battery charger.  I make a call to my one friend and call her off and two minutes later my car is running and we are on our way. 
I arrived at bible study thirty minutes late - and to be honest if it weren't for knowing that I needed some down time from my boys than I would have not even gone to bible study.  I was glad that I made the trip though, it was well worth the "me" time.  After bible study we headed home for lunch and then back out because I forgot to go to the bank for Michael.  After taking the stuff to the bank the boys and I headed over to the medical clinic to get Zeke's preschool physical filled out and while we were there the boys both got their flu shots and I made Ki's year and a half appointment. 
Then began my remainder of my "UGH" day - I took my car over to O'Reily's to have my battery checked to which the guy informed me that although my battery is low there is something that is pulling and depleting my battery.  The guy suggested that I take my car into the dealership and have it checked out.  I called Michael to verify that he agreed with that of which he did.  At this point it is about 1:30 - also known as nap time!  Not wanting to deal with another rough morning of having to get jumped I figured "now" is better than later.  We arrived at the dealership around two.  The boys and I left our car in the hands of the service department and headed into the waiting area.  Forty minutes of trying to wrangle two little tired boys the service guy comes out and tells me that my battery needs to be replaced and that there was a recall on a battery draining item in the car.  I am sure he could see it in my face and he simply said, "It will all be taken care of for free, it will take a few hours but it will be free."  I guess free was the word I needed - a few hours with tired boys in a waiting area... but free! 
Two hours of waiting we were leaving the dealership at 4:30... all of us tired, hungry and a little grumpy!  Dinner out was a requirement.  We got home at 5:30 the boys were showered and Ki was asleep by 6:04 and in the time it took me to write this post Zeke has fallen asleep.  So although today was a rough one of which I do not want to repeat, no naps means early bed time which is a good thing.  Hoping that tomorrow will be a better day!  The boys and I are headed for Buena Vista to visit Michael's mom for the day so a road trip and our last visit of the year are in store for the three of us... a good night's sleep will be needed.

"Silly Costco"

Yesterday the boys and I ran to Costco to use our coupons before they expired.  As we were walking through Costco Zeke said, "Silly Costco, it's not Christmas time, it's not even snowing yet!"  I thought that was so funny.  However under that logic many people would never have Christmas! 

Smells

If only it was possible to have a scratch and sniff post for this morning... After a really rough day yesterday and quiet honestly a somewhat rough week I woke up this morning and determined that Today was going to be different.  

Close your eyes and imagine all the glorious smells in my house right now...

Yankee Candle's Farmers Market candle burning in the kitchen window

Chocolate mint teecinno brewing in the coffee pot

Banana bread baking in the oven

A load of dishes being washed in the washer (adding to the warm feeling in my kitchen right now)

A load of laundry in the dryer with fabric softener going down stairs

Yes - I am sure your smelling senses are on overload, and so are mine but all of the smells combined are my weary attempts to make today a new and fresh day!

After what has felt like a long stint of flu bugs in my house I was very excited when Bed Bath and Beyond came out with their coupon of buy $15 worth of product and get $5 off... needless to say that coupon was spent on fall tarts and a fall candle for my house.  I was sharing with my mom this week that now my house smells like fall rather than an institution... being that Clorox wipes have been used as my main staple around the house for what felt like over a month.

 

This week has been a rough one - granted not entirely for me but more for Michael which in trade makes it hard for me.  Not to diminish any of his pain... but my routines get thrown off and my worry level goes from just the two younger boys to all three of them (Michael being number three).  Last Sunday while at church Michael started experiencing some horrible pains.  I was called out of service by Ki's number to be greeted with the nursery coordinator telling me that I need to take my husband to the hospital immediately.  As I walked downstairs to get the boys I see Michael standing in the middle of the area pale faced and sweaty.  Not sure as to what was going on with him I got the boys as quickly as possible and we headed to the car at which point Michael started explaining what was going on.  After about an hour or two of extreme pain for Michael it subsided.  Monday he stayed home hoping that whatever the pain was would go away with laying around and not working.  It seemed to work.  However Tuesday night after a long work day he said that he was hurting a little.  Wednesday night after another long work day Michael said that the pain had returned and was feeling really bad.  Thursday morning was a late start due to the pain and then Thursday night he got home early and spent the evening and through the night in extreme pain.  Friday morning he had had enough!  He went to a wellness clinic at the local Walgreens at which the nurse told him that she could not help him but she scheduled an appointment at a local doctor's office that takes cash patients.  By four o'clock we were talking out of the doctor's office with two prescriptions and $99 out of our pocket.  I filled the prescriptions for $55 and by seven last night Michael was in drug heaven.  Come to find out Michael has been experiencing kidney stones - finally doctor confirmed after five days of Google diagnosis.   The doctor said that if he is not able to pass them on his own then a CAT scan will be required mid next week to determine if it is blocking and what size it is and if laser destruction will be needed.  So please pray for a quick and now painless passage of these pesky stones that have been causing such havoc!

Randomness

Have recently rediscovered the wonderful taste of Teecinno coffee.  When I lived with my aunt and uncle in Washington they used to drink it every day and I loved it.  Being that I am pregnant and caffeine is not allowed I remembered this wonderful coffee substitution.  This morning I ran out and bought some Chocolate Mint Teecinno and some Silk Hazelnut creamer - let me just say my mouth and my tummy are thanking me. 

After much deliberating we have decided to move Zeke to two mornings a week for preschool.  I think that it will be much better for everyone involved.  I am excited about it because that means I get to have him around a little more.  Trust me there are definitely days that I want him out of my hair but I will say that within the last two weeks Zeke has been such a big helper.   I guess that whole getting older is doing some real good for him!  He has been helping me with Ki and helping me around the house.  One of the things that I have thoroughly enjoyed is being able to have conversations with him - granted not the average Joe can sit down and have a conversation with him... which in my mind makes those times even more special!

A few weeks ago Michael and I watched a television special about "Blood Diamonds".  Ever since watching that show I have been plagued by the scenes that were shown.  While watching the show I told Michael how happy I am that my wedding ring is not a diamond.  That's right my shinny ring is not a diamond but a rare mineral found in meteorites.  I will say that after watching that special I am convinced that I am sticking with my meteorite mineral for any future jewelry!

Yesterday I needed to run out and get another wet bag for the diapers.  I have found that while I am washing the dirty diapers I wind up with one or two diapers that need to be changed and was not sure what to do with them.  So I got another wet bag to keep in the house for those times... well while I was at the store getting the new wet bag I came across a fun and efficient new cloth diaper item.  Liners - yes my friend had told me about them but I had never seen them at the stores I had been at and while shopping around the sales lady told me about them - I am hooked!  I bought a package of them and have been using them since yesterday morning and I am wondering why I didn't search harder for these things before.  Diaper cleaning post bowel movements just got a lot easier! 

Brothers... really?  As I look at my two boys I find myself thinking... they sure do not look anything alike!  Which has got me thinking about what number three is going to look like!  Both Zeke and Ki are a pretty good mix of Michael and I but different features.  I don't think the average person who were to see the two would put it together that they are brothers.  Not only are their looks so different but their little personalities are different too - I guess that is what makes every day a new adventure! 

Like I said the title sums up this post - I have been thinking about all these things and thought it would be silly to post them all separate and thus this post has evolved.  Hope that you have a great day!

Mommy Confessions

Hang in there - I have been a little extra emotional as of late and I think that mixed with everyday life has had my mind running a mile a minute.

Before I had kids I thought I knew exactly how things were going to go... I would have my children I would raise them and they would turn out to be perfect little citizens with no troubles, no mishaps - just Perfect.  I know, I know - idealistic, yes - however don't we all have those similar thoughts (may not share them aloud, but here it is to read and laugh about!).  

Now being a mom of my two little men and another little guy on the way I have had to take some of my hard fast responses towards kids and the raising of them and make some drastic adjustments!  In case you were wondering when you leave the hospital with your little pink bundle of joy it doesn't come with a handbook... sure there have been handbooks written but not a single one of them will answer your specific questions for your little pink bundle. 

Take for instance the newest change in my "hard fast mothering ideas": to cloth diaper or not.  I was hell bent that I would never do cloth diapers.  Here I am over a month into them and although I have put disposables on Ki a few times due to some horrific tummy troubles I have ultimately been very pleased with my choice to switch.  

Another one of those ideas was television.  I used to swear that my children would not be allowed to watch television.  I hate when parents use television as a babysitter and leave their children sitting in front of the television.  Well - not that my boys are allowed to sit down and watch endless amounts of television, but I have been known to sit down with the boys and let them watch one or two cartoons in the morning as a way of allowing me a little wake up and transition time as well as once 7pm comes around I use the television as a distraction and a break for me and my parenting skills.  

So now I have come across another possible budge spot on my hard and fast ideas!  What is it?  Homeschooling... hear me out before you begin to chuckle.  With all that we have been going through with Zeke and trying to get him speech therapy has me second guessing my ability to homeschool.  The change from our safe, secure and familiar church preschool has me thinking - just maybe.  As I entered the new preschool I walked away thinking... I should go back to teaching preschool and show them how much fun it can be as well as how great you can make your classroom look.  I know that part of it is my deep seeded competitiveness but I think more than that it is my desire to keep my baby safe and know exactly what he is seeing, hearing and doing. 

Today I got a chance to talk with the preschool director about some of my concerns about Zeke's feeling and reactions to afternoon preschool and she offered a few options to me... like I said earlier God has it all under control!  One of the options that she offered was the ability to cut back from four days a week to two days and then gradually expand to the four in the afternoon.  The other option that she offered was the ability to transfer to two days a week in the morning, I guess that is all that is available at this time.  

I left my talk with her thinking... maybe two days a week in the public preschool getting the speech therapy that he needs and then me being more conscientious to provide Zeke with developmental and educational activities on the other days might be the best thing.  He would be getting the services that sent us to the preschool in the first place as well as the social interactions that are so important for his development and then I could offer the extra "educational" portion that Michael really wants to see as a means of having our son prepared to enter kindergarten.  Plus if he moves to the two days a week it would be Wednesday and Friday meaning that Zeke would be able to make it to MOPS and Bible study with me every Thursday and have a chance to be around our church friend's kids as well as be in the comfort zone of church at least one day a week.  

I am seeing a possibility of another hard fast idea going to the wayside as I continue on this path called motherhood!